unclean·×

2003-04-24T02:08:00.000-07:00

razzle dazzle

am listening to chicago's soundtrack now. -sings at the top of my voice "he haad it coming ! he haad it coming! he only haad himself to blaame!" :) mms .. had a pretty good day today. dont quite knw why, just happy i guess. -shrugs

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god, bloggers fcuked up i tell you. its the netscape/windows escapade again. but now the thing is my new entries dont appear. so if you're reading this, you have like psyhic powers. everybody say "ooh!"

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had lunch with doreen at macs thn walked her back to school for band. hope tht silly girls feeling better .. -sighs walked out of school with aileen aft tht to go to the mrt station. realised ive been going home by on my own since primary four and im still not sure of which buses to take. :/ horror of horrors.

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eep. have to run, the phones ringing. i'll be baack! not tht is matters of course, nobody can see this dammit. -bangs head against wall

2003-04-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

whatever i said
whatever i did
i didnt mean it
i just want you back for good

fist of pure emotion, a head of shattered dreams

-

2003-04-15T00:07:00.000-07:00

if love isnt a game,
why are there so many players?

are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
right now i feel invisible to you
like im not real
didnt you feel me lock my arms arnd you
why'd you turn away
wheres what i have to say

i was left to cry there
waiting outside there
grinning with a lost stare
and thts when i decided

why, should i care
cause you werent there when i was scared
i was so ~~alone~~
you, you need to listen
im starting to trip
im losing my grip

and it feels im in this thing alone.

-

i was thinking if you dont care, thn i dont care. thn i realised i cant quite make it on my own.

-

[w][h][y][?]

2003-03-31T21:40:00.000-08:00

swear theres smth seriously wrong with my browsers. :l mister robots all ugly and distorted in netscape .. but he looks just fine in explorer. -scratches head- oh wells. havent been doing much these days. -yawns- been staying at home pretty much all the time. with visits frm my psychotic friends of course. -laughs- thanks to kay & zhi for dropping by, and the many laughs. uh, also to the holy grace people. it's been awhile huh? hope alls well with you guys. the wildthornberry's really sucked, but i guess i had fun catching up with you all. :)

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today's my daddys b'day! :)
happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to daddy .. happy birthday to you!
its pretty strange huh? having your b'day on april fools day. he never got too many presents cause nobody believed him .. aww. :l

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havent been talking to her much these days. havent been doing much at all these days. keeping myself entertained with the manyy ~~illegal~~ vcds my bro brought home to bribe me frm going out and getting sars. stupid sars. :l i like it tht we dont have school & all, but i dont like people dying .. :/ eck. did tht sound bimbotic or whaat. -hides- staying at homes not as woo-hoo as i thought it would be either. dad wasnt kidding when he said i wasnt allowed to step foot out of the house. :l its times like these when i hate tht dumb door chime of mine. (uh, if you havent been over, it goes "dingg doong" really loudly whenever you open/close the door. and you thought you had a sad life huh?) anyhoos, shall stop whining now. am going to go find smth to do. -thinks- maybe i'll eat. :) -pats my faat tum tum- first i'll have to look for smth to eat, thn realise tht theres absolutely nothing edible in this house, sneak dwnstairs to buy smth to cook, come back upstairs to cook it, eat it, thn wash up after myself. whoa, pretty time consuming ey? :)

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welcome to the sad, pathetic world of me. :l

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((you)) i miss you, you! :(

2003-03-26T01:07:00.000-08:00

vespertine

just got home frm walking arnd junc eight with the two tiffys, loui & ade. (better knwn as mary) pigged out at mos, i ate:

*4 garlic & lemon mussels
*minestrone soup
*teriyaki chicken burger
*fries :)
*coke (stole some of loui's too)

and now im dead broke .. -growls- ooh. before i forget .. heres a shout out to the b'day girly !

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to lingx ! happy birthday to you!

-

try and see it my way, only time will tell whos right or wrong.
you knw i didnt mean it tht way. you knw you knw you knw. i knw you knw dammit. eck.

-

something ugly this way comes
thru my fingers sliding inside
all these blessings all these burns
im godless underneath your cover
search for pleasure
search for pain
in this world now im undying
i unfurl my flag my nation helpless

black black heart why would you offer more
why would you make it easier on me to satisfy
im on fire
im rotting to the core
im eating all your kings and queens
all your sex and your diamonds

as i begin to lose my grip
on these realities your sending
taste your mind and taste your sex
im naked underneath your cover
covers lie and we will bend & borrow
with the coming sign
the tide will take
the sea will rise
and time will rape

:) mighty cool song. -nods-

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imissher. :l

2003-03-11T00:11:00.000-08:00

you killed her, not me
wrapped your big faat fingers arnd her tiny neck
and strangled her to death
you, not me

lookylooky.
fork-tongued things slithering dwn her slippery slide. why point fingers when you're a fine specimen yourself? eck.
shant say anymore just in case i get sucked back into tht vicious cycle. -shakes head-
just really hope you'd stop spitting on your friends shes your one and only, a true one at tht.

-

left school early today. ouch. :l
at first i thought everything would work out right, tht maybe, by chance we would be able to pull through. thn it got messy, messier and messier and now im in a total blur. -shrugs-

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wish tht nagging idontknw, fear, pain, tht black wave? whatever it is. i wish it'd go away.
please go away.

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watched chicago and the pianist .. nicenice. :)

some guys just cant hold their arsenic

2003-02-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

fly with me away frm here
cause i cant quite make it on my own

missed school today .. woke up feeling like an elephant trampled on my tummy .. ouch. just came back frm the doctors .. got a million different pills and capsules .. would think they're quite cute, looking pink & pretty and all .. if only they weren't so damn hard to swallow. -growls- so here i am now, sitting here feeling slightly better, kind of like the elephant went to marie france slimwraps and thn came back to step on me .. hell, im retarded.

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picked up prozan nation - elizabeth wurtzel thinking it would be a good read. well, in a depressing sort of way. its not bad actually, would get you pretty depressed if you were in the mood .. hell, im not making sense am i. oh well .. it gets kind of monotonous after awhile if you ask me .. like shes just describing the exact same things tht happened, how depressed she is and all over and over again - just differently, thts all. but thn again, thts pretty much all you can expect frm somebody whos suicidal & depressed huh? -shrugs- this book makes me contradict myself ..! -laughs- i sympathise with her cause bits and pieces of the book kind of reminds me of me .. thn it chugs along like a stalling train and i want to wrap my faat fingers arnd her skinny neck and strangle her to death .. which is probably what people arnd me feel like doing when i get all moody ey .. eep. am going to finish it anyhows .. so there. :)

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missing her .. hearing her on the phone so uh, out of sorts got me really worried. hate tht shes so far away, tht im so far away, tht i wouldnt be able to do nuts even if smth happened to her. hell, i dont even have her house number.

sometimes i hate myself so bad i freak myself out.

2003-02-18T04:42:00.000-08:00

delirious !

hmm .. just got home frm coffee with kay its been forever since i saw her .. she seems like someone else altogether. not better, not worse, just changed. just different i guess .. -shrugs- anyhows, hey girl. it was nice catching up with you yepp? -smiles- thanks for the v day pressie .. somebody please tell her i didnt get anyone anything cause she simply refuses to believe me! -growls- moving on, today was a pretty alrighty day. thanks to doreen, tricia,jun & jiang for the many laughs. hell, i laughed so hard my tummy hurt. -smiles-

lesson of the day: do not try and uh, talk tamil during lessons :)

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tmrws happyhappy day. :) lovelovelove you baby.
muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuah!

tmrws tamil tiger day too! -laughs-
-does handsign thingy and roars-

-

because of you baby, theres no more reason to cry. :)
iloveyou.

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i want to make you smile whenever you're sad
carry you arnd when your arthritis is bad
all i want to do, is grow old with you

i'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire when the furnace breaks
oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

i'll miss you (i do)
i'll kiss you
give you my coat when you are cold
i'll need you
i'll feed you
even let you hold the remote control

so let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
i could be the ~~man~~ girl, to grow old with you

i want to grow old with you.
i do i do i do. :)

2003-02-17T00:53:00.000-08:00

so would you run if i told you i loved you
would you run if i asked you to stay
would you cry if i said tht i missed you

ineedyou, thts all tht i can say.

2003-02-17T00:31:00.000-08:00

sunny days,
where have you gone?

-sings at the top of my lungs- why does it always raain on me? :l literally and metaphorically (ey?) at tht. (& it does not help tht i cant spell .. sue me) just came home frm chino remedial soakingsoaking wet. was really looking forward to talkng to her .. but her phones not switched on .. so i guess not huh? -blinks blankly-

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knw its been forever since ive last blogged, not as if it matters cause [a] i seem to have my personal life-update-telecast system ~~aka big faat blabbermouths/story spicers/rumour mongers who aint got nothing better to do~~ and [b] who the hell reads this shit anyhows? -yawns- okayy .. like guess whos miss grouchy today? -points at myself- (just in case it wasnt obvious enough you doofus) alrighty, thts enough grumpiness for one entry.
ltr.

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oh, and kudos all the cheerleaders out there who can actually dance. :)
routines impressive alrighty. -nods-

-

((you've become the meaning of my life))

saying iloveyou
is not the words i want to hear frm you
its not tht i want you
not to say, but if you only knew
how easy it would be to show me how you feel
more thn words is all you have to do to make it real
thn you wouldnt have to say tht you love me
cause i'd already knw

what would you do if my heart was torn in two
more thn words to show you feel
tht your love for me is real
what would you say if i took those words away
thn you couldnt make things new
just by saying iloveyou

now ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
all you have to do is close your eyes
and just reach out your hand and touch me
hold me close dont ever let me go
more thn words is all i ever needed you to show
thn you wouldnt have to say tht you love me
cause i'd already knw
-its sad when you actually knw the meaning of this song. -sighs-

imissyoubaby.
missing you more each day.

2003-01-30T01:38:00.000-08:00

now i'm sure tt it's you tt i love

i love you sweety
thanks for coming over today baby...was really surprised to see you at my doorstep at like ermm...8am?
-laughs-
okay....tt's the last time you are ponning school alright sweety?
dun wan you to get into trouble with the school
oh well was really cheered up to see you today...thanks for being there for me whenever i'm down...
-smiles-

yup...today had been perfect. ~~couldent~~ have been better...yup i take that back...
the only thing that goes wrong today was that today hadn't been long enough...
damn...is there by any chance we could make the day longer?
oh well...dosent matter actually coz even as short as the time we had spent together...every second had been perfect with you
sweety?
just want to tell you i love you.
missing you much now....wish you were back in my arms again

i miss you... =(

am sad...i lost our wee pee...
wonder which brat steal my duckie?!?!?!?!
oh well...wherever he is hope he's not being mistreated
-laughs-
maybe we should go back to barang barang to get another duck?
hmmm...but it won't be the same animore huh.

oh well by the way...study hard for tomms tests...
dont ~~screw~~ it yar?
nah...don't think you will though...

will i see you again tomorrow baby?
oh well hope you can go out after f&N...yup..
guess i'll go back to work tomorrow larh...think the boss was pretty pissed off i skipped work today
-laughs-
~~who's fault?~~
definitely not yours darling...

i do not know how much i love you sweety...find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you each day
you may not think so but i do love you...really...
-holds you tight and never let go-
think i'm in love...and this time it's for real

2003-01-30T01:37:00.000-08:00

i love you sweety

yup...hey just thought of ermmm..... dropping by your blog to blog in it?
-laughs-
hope you dont mind yar?
aniwae baby i love you...alot..yar am like missing you real badly now...
wishing tt the nights will be shorter so that i dont have to be seperated from you sweety.

by the way baby pls take good care of yourself kae?
dun wan you falling sick...and pls learn to take bus!!!!
stop being a pampered spoilt brat...
-laughs-
like looks who's talking yar?

oh yar sweety wads a one way tix on a runaway plane means?
am confused...
-scratches head-
yup...wadever tt means..it wun happen to me...
coz i'll always be yours...now and forever ....
no one comes near to you baby and nothing will come between us.....definitely not the distance
yup...and believe mi i'll never be happier wif anione but you...
coz you r the one for me... always had been....and will always be....

and baby?
stop thinking i will meet some1 better in aussie...
coz it dosent matter whether if she's a saint or wad...
it's you that i want...
yar okay?!?!?!?!

i'll try to make my mom let mi come back during the mid sem break yar?
tt way i will be back by april..
-smiles-
i love you baby and you are all i care about...ermmm....fine...~~plus our ducks and sheeps~~
-laughs-
oh and our son too!!!

ehz...hope you dun mind mi blogging in your blogger kae?
yar...was reallie happy to see you today at good woods...
tt had been a real pleasant surprise...wasn't reallie expecting you to appear...
-smiles-

2003-01-16T03:31:00.000-08:00

together,forever

:) can you tell i'm happy? don't really care what you think anymore.don't really care what anyone thinks anymore. -pauses- yepp.figured tht i have all i need as long as i have her.~~though i doubt i'll have her for long~~

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have you ever felt this way?
when you're willing to throw your life away,
for one perfect day.

-

love the highly amusing way she does algebraric calculations in chinese.
love her many strange antics.
love her,everything & anything about her.

-

i'll be loving you forever
deep inside my heart
you'll leave me never
even if you took my heart
and tore it apart
i would love you still,forever

you're the sun
you're my life
and you're the last thing on my mind
before i go to bed at night
you're always round
when i'm in need
when trouble's on my mind
you put my soul at ease
there is no one in this world
who can love me like you do
so many reasons tht i
want to spend forever with you

i'll be loving you forever
deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
even if you took my heart
and tore it apart
i would love you still,forever

we've had our fun
and we've made mistakes
but who'd have guessed
tht through lord after all
we'd learn to give and take
it's so much more
thn i could give

you make loving you
so easy for me
theres no one in this world
who can love me like you do
tht is the reason tht i
want to spend forever with you

i'll be loving you forever
deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
even if you took my heart
and tore it apart
i would love you still,forever

and girl i pray you'll leave me never
course this is a world where love's often go astray
but if we love each other
we won't go,won't go tht way
so put your doubts aside
do what it takes to make it right
cause i'll love you
forever

2003-01-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

x rather be hated for the bitch tht i am,
thn loved for somebody i'm not x

[i][l][o][v][e][y][o][u]

look whos the ~~slut~~ one pointing fingers now. :)

2003-01-08T02:51:00.000-08:00

and we'll be together,this time is forever
we'll be fighting and forever we will be
so comlete in our love
we will never be uncovered again

want to spend the rest of my life,with you by my side
forever & ever :)

2002-12-22T05:38:00.000-08:00

love lifts us up where we belong

my wishlist
x for you to be happy

2002-12-20T01:19:00.000-08:00

cause i love you,
whether its wrong or right

doubt theres anything to say tht nobody already doesnt knw.
-shrugs-

was snowing in korea.
prettypretty. :)

jun sent me blonde jokes and the first thing i wanted to do was to send them to you.
thn i remembered tht we weren't talking.not now,probably not ever.

love is patient.
love is kind.
it is never jealous.
love is never boastful.
it is never conceited.
it is never rude.
it is never selfish.
love does not take pleasure in offence.
it is not resentful.
love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth.
it is always ready to excuse,to trust,to hope,and to endure whatever comes.
love does not come to an end.

my capacity to love can be fitted into a matchbox - without taking out the matchsticks first

guess who's cranky.

2002-11-30T06:48:00.000-08:00

gin & tonic

heyy :) whats up.haven't been online too much these days, cant believe blogspot still does tht error 503 thing. :/ anyhows, life's been good these days, all thanks to pearlyn, xiaowei & chris -beams- soo much has happened i shan't even bother to recap. :)

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just love watching you get older. -grins- maybe life is fair afterall huh?

-

((h3/c3/a3)) love you guys soo much! -hugs tight and doesnt let go- maybe i should just quit school and become a full-time matchmaker or smth ey? -laughs-

2002-11-10T18:56:00.000-08:00

angry !

whoa.its been a really long time since i've last blogged ey? :) sitting here with a tummy ache,running a temeprature,munching on ritz and listening to em-lose yourself.pearlyn went off to ~~conquer~~ thailand yesterday. :( miss my mojo counterpart. -makes a face- you take good care of yourself over there alright? don't go arnd viciously jabbing nice old ladies on the bus with balloon sticks kay? they might kidnap you and sell you to a brothel or smth! :/ anyhows,just in case you didnt already hear,i'm retaining. -shrugs- but its better tht way i guess? :)

movies watched
*red dragon :)
*halloween ressurection :(
*the guru :)
*sweet home alabama :)
*double vision :)

thts pretty much what i did for the past week. -laughs- want to catch possession! :) heard its mighty sweet or smth.. also went to the huge pasar malam at amk central with pearlyn.got stuck at some damned shop cause she refused to leave till she solved some iq puzzle thngy,which she did,eventually solve.tht girl's awfully smart. -nods-

feel like shaking her back to reality.but i doubt it'll do any good,she's got too many strings attached.
plastic barbie puppet fake.

found out she went to escape with some ditz who just happens to reallyreally like her. -growls-

you better lose yourself in the music,the moment
you own it,you better never let it go
you only get one shot,do not miss your chance to blow
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime

-sis got me the 8 mile soundtrack! said this bit was meant for me. -rolls eyeballs-

((paul)) can't wait for you to come back! -screams- only three more days! remember our daily breaky dates alright? :)

((xiaowei/xavier/xander)) -laughs uncontrollably- umm..can't wait for you to come back too! -screams again- only nine more days! -laughs- you have to ring & give us the details if you want us to go pick you up alright? :) -hugs- and just for the record,i think your taste is improving! -nods-

2002-10-23T02:24:00.000-07:00

lets get something straight,
i'm not

failed everything cept for english and lit.barely made it for chino but i didnt hand in those god damned essays.
gee,how do you register for sang nila utama secondary? urgh.

-

"as long as you're alive,you're going to have problems.." - made me go hmm. :/ reallyreally dont want to have to deal with retaining.wish i had the guts to jump or smth.

2002-10-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

and i dont need you,to be by my side
tell me everythings alright

okay,so maybe i do. :l but hell.it doesnt matter now cause tht was the past. -shrugs- so many things been going on ever since exams ended. :) right after writing about the difference between umm.normal muffins and modified ones for two hours,headed dwn to town with pearlyn and jeremy and watched mr.deeds! -beams- wasn't as funny as i had expected it to be,but enjoyed it all the same. :) wonder if hallmark really prints tht card..i guess not huh?

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friday 18102002
went tanning the next day which evidently didnt quite work cause it wasnt too sunny.packed up our bali beach cloth and all,washed up,came out and it was scorching as hell.damn you,mr sun. -growls- spent the rest of the day in escape and made friends with almost all the peeps working there.all thanks to pearlyns very warm and friendly personality. [her bod helped alot with the popularity polls if you ask me!] -laughs- we went on all the rides in there at least twice..cept for the damn teacup ride.its the most horrifying ride in there! dont be fooled by its uhh.teacup-ish appearance.it ought to be banned. :l

-

saturday 21102002
went shopping with mummy was pretty down but cheered up after eating old chang kees curry puffs. :)

-

sunday 20102002
missed church. :/ im sorry god.

-

monday 21102002
games carnival sucked to the core.ugh.like,does having less brains make you less human.
i hope you guys enjoyed your coke.
but the day was saved! all thanks to pearlyn :) went to the gym and climbed manymany hills. -laughs- whipped up the sacred ktg operation.had much fun,as usual.
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tuesday 22102002
~~missed~~ skipped school.pearlyn came down aft school supposedly for a swim but we ended up watching "looking for love" (some canto film starring sammi cheng) and it got us all sniffy & sobby. -sighs- was a typical hopeless romantic flick.shows with happy-ever-after endings are all too surreal if you ask me. -shrugs- headed dwn to the dam aft we got dinner frm seven eleven. :) and no! i did not fall into a drain! -growls at pearlyn- the gravity pull arnd tht area was just stronger. :l hahahh.okay,so i did.but least i managed to escape clean & unscathed. :)

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((pearlyn)) thank you for everything dear.yes,the aching ass and all. :) the jojo in the mojojojo loves the mojo in the mojojo. :) and btw,your iq points are in the dangerously negative zone.anymore bimbotic "oohs" or "ahhs" will cause your brain to self destruct.
-evil laughter- im drinking more milk! frm the "to prevent osteoporosis" store..! hahahh.love you sweets.muah. :)

earmmilicious: blessid union of souls - light in your eyes

its been awhile since ive seen you so how have you been
did you get my letter i wrote you,but i did not send
i tried to call your old number
but the voice tht i heard on the phone
i recognised but she told me the number was wrong

theres a light in my eyes but its too bright to see
and a pain in my heart where you used to be
guess i was wrng to assume tht you were waiting here for me
theres a light in your eyes
did you leave tht light burning for me

guess not.
sometimes the distance is more thn two people can use huh?

2002-10-14T01:09:00.000-07:00

i'm not tht stupid little person
still in love with you

eck! am i home early or whaat! :) went down to macs with virn and had yummy spaghetti.was really craving for minestrone soup but spaghetti was good. -nods-

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heard this song over the radio on my way home.think its mighty sweet. :)

if you're not the one,thn why does my soul feel glad today
if you're not the one,thn why does my hand fit yours this way
if you're not mine thn why does your heart return my call
if you're not mine would i have the strength to stand at all

*daniel bedingfield :)
replaced the batteries in your calculator but its still being a cranky baby! :l had fun "watching the sunset" with you too. -laughs- hope your a math paper went well today dear. -hugs-

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((virn)) i had fun today you silly poops! :) the next time we go to mos alrighty? -grins- love you muchmuch dear!

2002-10-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

what makes you different,
makes you beautiful to me

i will rock you like a baby lover
cradled in my arms
i will keep you safe frm danger
shelter you frm harm
there'll never be another lover
treat you like i do
we can drift into forever
on a love thts made for two

dont you ever think this loves not special
dont you ever think its not essential

baby,i was only thinking of you
hoping you were thinking of me
two hearts beating just like one
against the world
baby,im always dreaming of you
hoping you were dreaming of me
i could never live one day without your love

-

didnt get to see her today. :l but its okay.i'll see her tmrw. :)

2002-10-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

crucified by your words
nailed by shame

okayy.i knw i used tht heading before but hell.i bet nobody realised before i pointed tht out. -shrugs- havent been online much these days cause the dreaded exams are here.and besides,theres nothing blogworthy going onin my life.maybe cept for her. -makes a face- hell,dont even think she can be considered in my life.[[out of her favour where i am in love]] oh god,i really must stop reading r&j. -hides-

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spent today studying with virn.okay,spent like twenty minutes studying thn i got distracted and tried distracting her.she really was trying to concentrate,but after i started whacking her with a water-soaked tampon (see how bored i was?) she gave up studying too.we went jumping on the tramboline (okay,i jumped) and thn ~~i forced her to~~ she played me a song on the piano! was mighty impressed! she completed grade eight you knw! -applauds- couldnt stop laughing though,cause her fingers look like frog legs! :) aft tht we went back to the canteen,tried some wheatgrass drink tht tasted better thn i had expected and took off for cheers to buy the lastest edition of fhm. :) yes,for him magazine. -laughs uncontrollably- virn told me her deepest darkest secret which i wont publish just in case i might need to blackmail her sometime later in my life. :)

((vrin)) i'm so sorry dear! will pass you your umm. present to you tmrw or something alright? :D

-

you're so selfish,
so selfish you are.
i hope you read this,
and when you read this,
i hope it eats up your insides.

i hope it eats you up inside.

-

((weiling)) -laughs- why do you want it back? missing her huh? ;D will pass it to you the next time i see you or something i guess.i've got simone/the tux on vcd.will loan it to you aft the exams or something. :) whaat the hell is "enough"? never heard of the show! (okay,if its like the lastest blockbuster or something thn,hello to you too.i just came out of my shell) umm.you chill out and study hard for your remaining papers yea? but you dont have to stress yourself out too much i guess,sec two life is slacker life. :D

((*)) time and age never solve things,never heal wounds.perhaps they only wear us down.till the pain.set against our weariness,seems quite inconsequential. -shrugs- i dont knw. :l
-

((audio)) in my place - coldplay

2002-10-04T05:07:00.000-07:00

dishwashing liquid
-for best results,consume in large amount

saw her today! -jumps arnd- was supposed to be concentrating on a math but i was way busy gawking. -swoons- ahh!

2002-09-29T02:13:00.000-07:00

runaway train never going back
wrong way on a one way track

seems like i should be getting somewhere.somehow i'm getting neither here nor there. -shrugs-

hours i slept in the past three nights:
x eleven and a half

shows i watched in the past three nights:
x mighty baby
x simone
x the tuxedo
x the road to perdition

thank god for:
x illegal vcds
x ski delight peach yoghurt
x char
x esther
x ~~you~~

-

((this time i really led myself astray))

i cant believe you're here with me
and now it seems my worlds complete
and i never want this moment to end
i close my eyes and still i see
my dreams become reality
and now i knw how it feels to be in love
i prayed so many nights tht you would come my way
an angel frm above to light my darkest day
i think its time for you to heed these lines
cause theres somethng i want to say

i finally found what ive been looking for
and now you knw im going to love you more
hold me tight cause its always been you
to think tht you were always there
to be my friend and wipe away my tears
now it clear tht its always been you

sometimes you dont expect tht friends
can become lovers in the end
only god knws what the future will bring
so hold me close and dont let go
cause this is love ~~boy~~ girl,dont you knw
and we're going to be together for eternity
i prayed so many nights tht you would come my way
an angel frm above to light my darkest day
a love so strong it cant be wrong

its with you tht i belong

-

ltr.

2002-09-24T04:06:00.000-07:00

you're falling out of reach
defying gravity

i'm going to flunk my f&n mock exam. :l whywhywhy isnt jiam in school?! there was nobody sitting opposite me! and sleeping dap beside the seat opposite me,and an equally useless isabel beside me tht just kept insanely drawing dragons all over her foolscap. -groans- jiammie!! come back quick! i miss you dear! :(

-

anyhows,we went to mos aft wating for nette to get out of art.met vern who cut her hair! -gasps- its very pretty if you ask me. -nods- though it somehow seems shes going through a bit of an identity crisis. having short hair(it isn't very short btw) doesnt mean tht you're a bung whaat.anyhows,i'm tired.so i'm goin off now to watch "zhen qin" -smiles-

-

i want to watch restless tonight! but i'm scared! -hides- i'm not going to watch it!
i can't,help but watch it. :) oh no.i have such weak will power. :l
-laughs- kind of reminds me of tht funky pastor tht gave us the speech about occult & you today.they could have just conviniently asked three ~~dis~~grace to go and spare the rest the agony.but hmm.i think it was pretty interesting. -nods- oh wells.

eeks.whos the pervertic ;) in my guestbook! pau/cand is it you?! -screams and runs arnd-
ltr.

2002-09-24T03:57:00.000-07:00

wherever you go
is where i belong

my familys psychotic and dysfunctional. :l dad got pissed at my sis so he started yelling his brains out at me.i sit there listening to perfect ten being yelled at for no apparent reason.(dont even knw why hes so pissed) aft tht,he takes off wit mummy who totally forgotten tht she promised to buy me snow skin mooncakes.thn,bro comes home wit dinner,
screams at me for not trying to use my broken ankle,saying tht a fracture is no big deal and all,thn goes into a cleaning frenzy.hes reading this as he mops the floor as if hes trying to rid an invisible stain and he just shouted "get off the computer" like sheesh.don't fucking take your shit out on me.

ass. -growls-

2002-09-20T05:20:00.000-07:00

havent you heard
how we rock each others world

im home. :) wet,cold,shivering,but home. :) went swimmin at jiangs place wit nette.yes,wit my broken ankle. -laughs- was floating on tht doughnut-looking emergency float.ended up gettin scolded by the security guard and some guy tht sounded like the chairman of the condominium welfare council or somethn. -rolls eyeballs- was trying hard to resist the urge to tell him to "kan kai dian" cause hes got some what-do-you-call-tht..some eye disorder.i knw im mean,but hell.he was being an ass anyhows.

i want to watch "simone"! (the one wit al pacino in it!) planned to watch it today but after a really expensive meal at the bubble tea place we couldn't really afford.werent exactly in the mood for it anyhows. -nods-

-

bought my 6510 wit jiang,nette and pau yesterday. :) pigged out at pizza hut aft tht.wanted to go catch "simone" too,but figured it was too late. :l but we had much fun in pizza hut.jiang kept cracking us up wit her silly antics.thn,we all went to cut our hair! all cept for nette cause her tail was too small already.anyhows,jiang looks really good wit her spikey hair! -melts- and pau looked really cute when she bobbed her head up and down asking everyone to watch her bouncy hair. (it really is bouncy by the way)

-

think some people really ought to go and lose weight. -nods-

he wanted her
she'd never tell
secretly she wanted him as well

2002-09-16T05:40:00.000-07:00

dilemma

am home! :) darling bro picked me up frm macs so i didnt have to walk much. -smiles- anyhows,ive got a new family! :) its called the umm.funny bunny family or somethn. :)

candsugar bunny
daphoney bunny
jiamlumpy bunny
jiangfluffy bunny
jobloody bunny
nettefrosted bunny
paucookie bunny
vernchocolate bunny

((ohana :means family,and family means no one gets forgotten or left behind))

okayy.maybe we caught on a little late,but hell. :) went down to macs aft steps today,which was surprisingly enjoying cause we were all discussing what we had to steal and how to go about it to have enough money to get the stuff we wanted. :) and after a long and agonising walk/or rather limpy-jumping movement,we reached macs and talked till seven thirty plusplus.dap was hilarious as usual,kept insisting tht she was honey bunny,and tht she was coated in honey and all.thn after awhile she changed her mind and figured she would rather be angelfluff and she said it wit such seriousness & viciousness,along wit her goofy push-my-specs-up action,tht it cracked all of us up.even on like,the twenty thousandth time. :) today was a pretty good day,cept for the bit in the mornin during ace.its silly how i let my pride get the better of me.there was so much to say,and the chance to say in.even tho i was only allowed two lines,i could have done much better thn what i wrote.i really meant what i wrote,but it really wasnt somethn i was dying to tell you.hell.figured i wouldnt be able to put what i feel into words anyhows,and even if i could i wouldnt be able to put everythng into two lines.ugh hell.i lost the chance anyways. -hides-

-

no matter what i do
all i think about is you
even when i'm wit my boo
boy you knw i'm crazy over you

ltr.

2002-09-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

((so i point one back at em
but not the index or pinky
or the ring or the thumb
its the one you put up
when you dont give a fuck
when you wont just put up
wit the bullshit they pull
cause they're full of shit too))

dont understand ups what wit the anti-homosexual movement goin on wit tchers. -shakes head-
they're much easier on the eyes as compared to gigi and steven thts for sure..
still dont see how mutual love & affection between two people,even if they are of the same sex,can be deemed immoral.

you guys are the ones who are immoral dammit.

2002-09-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

while you were sleeping

just caught ad factor on cnn.am truly impressed wit tequilas pitching skills. -nods- am still recovering frm the disgust two certain people has caused (shall refrain frm naming names) so i'll cont talkin about television.just caught the last bit of hannibal,the bit when he fed this cutie pie a spoonful of left-over brains he had. -cringe- and now two enormous hippos are fightin cause uhh.they just feel like it i guess. -shrugs- okay,im sorry.i just have nothn much to say.no,its more like i dont want to talk about it.no,its moremore like i cant talk about it cause it doesnt concern me.(im not like you guys) -makes a face- shall go catch more tvee.

maybe everythn was a blessing in disguise. -smiles-

lets just say there was a little girl
and frm the time she was ten
she was taught to fear daylight
she was taught it was her enemy
and tht it would hurt her
thn one bright sunny afternoon
you ask her to go outside and play
and she wont
you cant be angry at her now can you

we are who we are,
people dont just change like tht.

if the you i see now is the real you,thn im hell glad i got to knw the one tht wasnt. -shrugs-

2002-09-13T02:55:00.000-07:00

like the rain
i just keep falling for you

ive been studyin ever since i woke up! and i woke up at like..ten? -impressed wit myself- hist can be quite interestin you knw. -geeky grin- oh,and im alright wit my dad now.okay,so maybe i over-reacted last night. -hides- he took the day off to accompany me and all,how was i supposed to stay mad at him? :) was majorly attitude-ing him in the morning but thn he bought me bananas! and tonnes of snacks when he went to get me lunch so i was appeased. -laughs- buy me bananas and i cant stay angry! :)

if im as alright as i claim to be,
thn why does this song,and all it makes me remember,make me want to curl up and die.
-sighs-

ltr.

2002-09-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

stop saying you understand me
cause you're not even trying

-growls- ive been banished and now im in exile.in the living room.ugh.

hatehatehate heng.hope she friggin burns in hell for this shit. -growls- thts my form tcher if you were wonderin.the once respected/even liked miss.wendy heng.but frm now on she'll just be knwn as hedious heng.or wendy-the-one-tht-cant-dance heng. -growls- am so pissed i dont even give a shit if shes readin this. (heard tht tchers have gotten hold of a list of webbie addies)

aft tht whole you're-an-evil-child-who-plays-wit-the-devil ordeal,i listen to coldplay happily,stayin well out of they're way.and gee,he walks right out,hovers over the table like a big unfriendly giant,and takes my phone away.like what the..

me:what the..
him:i'm taking it -starts readin my messages-
me:on what grounds?
him:i'm your father
me:oh,really? why the fuck are you actin like a kid thn?
him:rmm rmm rmm rmm rmm..

totally shut off aft tht.wouldnt even have realised if he started singin bop bop baby.ugh.

2002-09-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

everybody needs a little time away
frm each other

-shrugs- missed school again.never thought i'd say this,but i actually do miss school.oh wells,i'll soon regret sayin tht cause i'm goin back on monday.had better enjoy what little time i have left away frm civilisation. :) hmm.jiang,nette and vern came over yesterday and they totally cracked me up! thnk you so much dearies! -hugs tight- vern and nette sat on my ledge and talked for abit and thn they came back in and vern started pretendin to be a dee jay and all.rappin strange songs like "deep purple" and "country road" to even stranger songs tht was playin on my electrone. -laughs uncontrollably- must say shes pretty darn good at it. :) aft tht we went to the kitchen and cooked what little food i had in my kitchen.im sorry! -hides- nette made her specialty! uhh.condensed milk bread.but i didnt have condensed milk so we mixed honey wit milk.was surprisingly good i must say. :) yumm.hmm.thn mummy came home so they went home too.but hell,i had muchmuch fun. :) oh,and just for the record,i finished one whole stingray by myself for dinner last night! -buurrp- am mighty proud of myself. -grins-

if i love you more thn i should,
please forgive me,i knw not what i do
please forgive me,i cant stop lovin you
dont deny me,this pain im goin through
please forgive me,if i need you like i do
please believe me,every word i say is true

please forgive me,i cant stop lovin you

((jiang,nette & vern)) thnk you soo much dear.you made me day. -hugs tight and doesnt let go-

((- in my guestbook)) uhh.you are?

2002-09-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

if you could only see
the way she loves me

finally found what i've been lookng for
and now you knw i'm goin to love you more
hold me tight cause its always been you

-sighs-

2002-09-10T19:42:00.000-07:00

have you ever tried to find the words,
but they dont come out right

well,i have. :( almost too many times. -sighs- missed school again today.ankles hurtin too much and my arms are too tired to support me.really doesnt help tht im so heavy. :( hmm.guess the only thng i can look forward to aft this ordeal is muscular arms! and uhh.right leg. :) which maybe isnt all tht yayy aft all.cause i'll be out of proportion.i mean,i'll still have a really fat left leg and swollen toes. :( hell.
anyways,my faat toes wasnt as funny as i thought they were.sorry claud & char.hmm.what was i goin to say.. ooh! i finally couldnt resist the temptation and played the pencil spirit thngy yesterday. -shivers- there seems to be alot of wandering spirits uhh.wanderin in three grace. :( knw this sounds strange but i feel sorry for them.especially the fourteen year old girl who died in a fire.

i mean,if i died,the first thng i'd do is get the hell out of this place. -shrugs-

am goin off to find somethn to do till jiang and nette come over..-jumps arnd in anticipation-

2002-09-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

schools out!

well,not quite. :l i mean,it can be out and all.hmm.maybe not quite either.mummy will never allow tht. -makes a face- anyhows,what i meant to say is,ive got a weeks mc! :) (pictures you rollin your eyeballs wonderin why the hell i couldnt just get straight to the point..~~bite me!~~) -composes myself- am sorry.ive been a cranky old lady all day.blame it on the wheelchair,crutches and all. :l and its not helpin tht my players gone bonkers so everybody refuses to sing. -growls- all im hearin is the instrumental background and nobodys singin! -screams- i mean,how can you not be a cranky bitch when you cant sing along to cheesy yet catchy songs like "stupid mistake"?! :( kay keeps tellin me i ought to sing tht song more to justify my uhh.actions. :) check out the lyrics!

it can happen to anyone of us
anyone you think of
anyone can fall
anyone can hurt ~~someone they love~~
~~hearts will break~~

cause i made a stupid mistake! :)

think the song does a better job justifyin a fall thn a cheating heart. -nods- anyways,im headed back for school bright and early tmrw! :) slackin my ass off sounds like a better idea but ive got no choice so i might as well make the best of it. :) am starin to miss people anyways. -smiles- an hopefully those strange dreams will kick once i start seein her arnd again. -crosses fingers- will have to rely on my ~~not-so~~ trusty crutches to move arnd. -sighs- we're lookin at massive arm workout. -grumblegrumble-

ahh! friends is on! :)

ltr.

2002-09-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

nasty!

looks like ive got tough competion for the "the most ridiculous reason you fractured your ankle" contest! :) jess fractured her ankle cause she tripped over her dog in the middle of the night! -laughs uncontrollably- maybe trying to pull stunts on the tram doesnt sound as stupid anymore.hmm.thn again,maybe not. -hides- studied quite abit today! am mighty proud of myself. -beams- got a paper cut on my lip tho.god knws how i managed tht. -feels silly again- anyhows,am really amused wit starhubs new ad! the one wit mr.unstoppable in it? :) ever wondered why mr.baddies killer truck has to be red and orange? -shoots you the "you knw,you knw" look- okay,now im officially retarded or somethng. -hides-

okay,moving on! i had this really strange dream last night.tht she was a little boy in my mummys childcare centre and somehow i kept asking ~~her~~ no,him.umm.the little boy, if she/he remembered me.and mummy kept shootin me strange looks as tho she knew..

-contorts my face into uhh.a face of confusion

ugh.

unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt tht you caused
when you walked out the door
when you walked out of my life
uncry these tears
i cried so many nights

unbreak my heart

2002-09-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

this is my moment
this is my perfect moment wit you

i cant imagine any greater fear
thn wakin up witout you here
and tho the sun would still shine on
my whole world would be gone
but not for long

if i had to run
if i had to crawl
if i had to swin a hundred rivers
just to climb a thousand walls
always knw tht i would find a way
to get to where you are
theres no place tht far

it wouldnt matter why we're apart
lonely months,two stubborn hearts
nothn short of god above
could turn me away frm your love

i need you tht much

2002-09-02T05:01:00.000-07:00

years gone by and still,words dont come easily
like,"i love you"

yayy. :) im finally bathed and squeaky clean.and yes,i did scrub behind my ears.real hard too,just in case potatoes have already started growing. -grins- anyhows,ive got much to say and many people to thnk.so uhh.here goes. :)

thank you! :)

((b'day wishers))
x amanda
x cand
x char
x claud
x dap
x dot
x esther
x huiying
x jiam
x jiang
x jingyi
x joycelyn
x jun
x kang
x lynnette
x meiyan
x on
x sab
x sam
x vern
x virn
x von
x xiu

-for remembering/cards/hugs/messages/flowers/presents. :)

((baracadi ~~bitches~~ babes))
x cand
x dap
x huiying
x vern

-for the night of booze & unspeakable fun. ;) love you guys soo much!

((god-sent laogongs))
x jiang
x lynnette

-for wanting to join us at seoul garden and come stay over but couldnt. :l and for coming to visit. -hugs tight- you two are precious! :)

((angels))
x kay (for my b'day package)
x on (for my b'day eve celebration)

x mum & dad
x sis & paul
x bro & jill

-for the midnight festivities and the mudpie. :)

-gasps- hope i didnt miss out anyone. -crosses fingers- so much happened since wed.stayed up till arnd three drinking,stripping,playin taboo & bondin.thn woke up wit a permanant headache,went to school,escaped studyin by running off to the gym to jump on the tram,tried to pull a stunt and ended up wit a fractured ankle. -sighs- thts enough excitement for the holidays. :) so here i am,rolling arnd the house on the roller chair (like duuh) like an idiot. :l but hell,its nice being waited on. -grins-

thngs to note::
x resist all temptations pull stunts on a tram if you're not a qualified gymnast
x dont try the coconut tango they sell in school.its "real natural pulp" tastes like wood shavings
x some people just cant help but be annoying

((wyn)) -laughs uncontrollably- am sorry sweets.uhh.dont be too sad lar kay? i mean,you've got like a week away frm school! anyhows,how on earth wuld i knw if hair-growth products work?! hmm.maybe you culd try yunan hair care dear! you knw the one wit the advert tht goes like "yunan jian fa zhong xing,san tian mian fei hu li zhi liao.." oh god.dont ask me how come i remember the ad. -hides- you get three days free treatment dear! its worth a try? :) tell me if you're interested kay? i'll go find out where the shops are and all. :) and till thn,no.and whatever it is,you'll still be my darling daomingshi kay? -hugs-

and tho we can never be,
i'll keep you here wit me

2002-09-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

~~smelly~~ hairy no more!

she drew her comb across her scalp
and brushed what she had left
i tried to salvage what i could
and threw it in a sack
she made a b-line to her room
and grabbed all kinds of juice
she started pouring it on her head
and thought it'd grow back
ahahahahhs.

-dedicated to wyn darling aka daomingshi.
knw the song is pretty darn mean.it was meant to cheer you up.
-crosses fingers- hope it works. :/
anyhows,i'll ~~love~~ adore you much whether or not you have pineapple hair kay? -hugs-

2002-08-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

you're a little late,
im already torn

sorry im plastering lyrics all over my bloog.every song means a little somethng to me,dedicated to someones who mean alot. -shrugs- realised i havent got much to say nowadays anyways.hmm.went down to town wit cand,dap,nette,
ling and on yesterday.had lunch at edo and dap cracked all of us up just being herself. :) think she looked awfully good in her black ensemble! -hides frm juan- went down to cheers and picked up two bottles of alcohol.lousy me went all red aft a few sips. -hides again- poor on had a massive headache just before our movie so cand sent her home in a cabby. :l sorry you couldnt join us dear. -hugs- but lilo and stitch was really cute! -screams- wanted to jump thru the screen and hug poor lilo when she was all sad and gloomy. :l was really glad the show had a happy ending. -beams- really dont mind having stitch as my dog! hes mighty cute when he rolls himself into a ball and uhh.rolls arnd. :) oh wells,baby bailey will have to do.havent seen him for so long i almost forgot i have a dog. :( in all,i had muchmuchmuch fun yesterday.but somehow this entry doesnt sound too awfully exciting. -sighs- its alright i guess,i've got 40 hrs [8hrs frm monday-friday] to work on my descriptive writing. :l so much for the holidays.

((cand)) im sorry im such a freak. :) -runs to a corner and stands there facing the wall-

((on)) hope you're much better dear.i love you much! -hugs-

((nette)) am mighty proud of you dear. -hugs tight- i'll still love you though you're gay. :)

i like the way you wanted me
every night for so long baby
i like the way you needed me
every time thngs got rocky

i was believing in you
was i mistaken
do you say,do you say what you mean
i want our love to last forever

but i'd rather you be mean thn love and lie
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goobye
i'd rather take a blow at least thn i wuld knw
but baby dont you break my heart slow

-it cruel how somethng can mean everythng to someone and nothng to the other.

2002-08-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

its not so bad,
you're only best i ever had

how can i just let you walk away,let you leave without a trace
when i stand here taking every breath wit you
you're the only one who really knew me at all

how can you just walk away frm me
when all i can do is watch you leave
cause we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
you're the only one who really knew me at all

so take a look at me now,oh theres just an empty space
and theres nothng left here to remind me
just the memory of your face
oh take a look at me now,well theres just an empty space
and you coming back to me is against the odds and thts what i've got to face

i wish i could just make you turn arnd
turn arnd and see me cry
theres so much i need to say to you
so many reasons why
you're the only one who really knew me at all

but its not so bad,you're only the best i ever had.you dont need me back,you're just the best i ever had.and it may take some time to patch me up inside.but i cant take it so i run away and hide.and i may find in time tht you were always right,

you were always right

2002-08-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

and i dont want the world to see me
cause i dont think tht they'll understand

i was right,they dont. -shrugs- anyhows,dap just left my place.she came over to get her hair dyed,but i ended up doing all the work.getting the dye,dying/washing/conditioning her really dry hair,and aft tht cooking her instant noodles. -groans- had much fun though. :) the instant noodle soup was overflowing cause we poured in an entire can of button mushrooms.they were huge i tell you.school was rather crap today.shrugged everythng off as usual.nothng much matters anymore.just wish she didnt matter anymore. -sighs- surprisingly though,all tht happened triggered no emotion in me,much less angered me. -makes a face- guess i ought to go arnd trusting people,even myself.cause somehow im the only one tht ends up hurting in the end. -hides- her indifference could eat me up alive.wish i could gorge out my eyeballs everytime i look at those eyes filled wit nothng but pure,unadulterated hate.anyhows,tmrws "be you" day.but somehow im going dressed up like a bung. -blur- our class theme is "happy ~~bungs~~ boys and happy girls". -laughs- ms.heng said it had alot of implications.hmm.maybe she isnt tht dense after all. :) so tmrw there'll be a sudden outburst of 16 new bungs.most of which have p records.have to drag my ass down to school to go looky looky as much as im dreading it. :) ouch.my fucking nail just broke.think they're really brittle or somethn. :l there goes my dream of having pretty nails.hell,im a bung. -laughs-

think im selfish? bite me.

((jiang)) really hope you're alright dear. -sighs- is pavitra mohan your secret name or somethn? -confused-

and i'd give up forever to touch you
cause i knw tht you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven tht i'll ever be
and i dont want to go home right now

and all i can taste is this moment
and all i can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later its over
i just dont want to miss you tonight

and i dont want the world to see me
cause i dont think tht they'd understand
when everythngs made to be broken
i just want you to knw who i am

and you cant fight the tears tht aint coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everythng feels like the movies
you bleed just to knw you're alive

-you're stretching your arms out to somethn tht aint there.

2002-08-28T03:15:00.000-07:00

My Romance Meter

Optimist 50%

50% Cynic

Close 32%

68% Distant

Long Term 4%

96% Brief

What does my romance meter read?

-ripped off pau

2002-08-28T03:03:00.000-07:00

hell,some people are hell a n n o y i n g.
like quit bitching bout bitches tht bitch cause you're one hell out of a bitchy bitching bitch too,bitch. -growls-

2002-08-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

you've been the first in my life
who has ever made me feel this way
and i will not deny
im gonna need you right here
by my side

baby,i can wait
come and hold my hand and let me lead the way
let me take your breathe away
by holding and kissing and loving and touching you
never will be too late
see myself through your eyes

baby,i can wait
until the day i hear you say

you are mine
theres no other one for me
keep in mind
you make my life complete
and tonight
we'll make love endlessly
cause you're mine
you're the one tht i'll keep
for all time

now tht you're here,boy
im never gonna let you go
can i touch you there,oh
do you mind if we kiss real slow
you're my everythng
you're my hopes and dreams
baby,you knw it aint no lie
im gonna be wit you till the day i die

you're the one tht lights my fire
you're the one tht keeps me strong
you're the one tht i depend on
when my world is goin wrong
you're the one tht i hold closer
you're the man im dreaming of
and i really really love you
i just want you to knw tht

i cant wait till the day
when i hear you say
you're the one tht i need
you're the one tht i'll keep
for all time

-found the lyrics you were looking for,char. :)

2002-08-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

leave the past
in the past

yayy.im home. :) better savour my last few hours of freedom! mummys in school talkin to ms.heng like right now as i type.scaryscaryy.hope ms.heng isnt too generous wit the details. -hides- anyhows,had much fun on my last day of freedom tho. :) went to macs to have lunch wit jiang and pau and thn we headed dwn to the playground aft tht. -nods- watched two groups of uhh.really intriguing schoolboys run arnd,get stranded on see-saws,fighting (or more like shoving arnd) and doing huis famous broken-wrist actions. -laughs uncontrollably- the second bunch of schoolboys were hell annoying.well,some of em at least.this super huge bengster-to-be called umm.justin? i think was bossing all his friends arnd and no one dared to stand up to him cause hes so big and fat.hmm.reminds me of some people if you ask me. -makes a face- hate big bullies! me and jiang were busily plotting against him and how we were going to beat him up.but we couldnt be bothered to in the end.figured he was too fat. :) and,even if we got into a fight,it would be two against six/seven? cause my darling pau baby was far too busy yakking away on the phone. -pouts- nvmdnvmd.me and jiang had fun laughing at the gay boy,benson. :) hes hell funny! asked him how old he was and he fluttered his eyelashes at me and replied wit a really girly "yeeaah?" we almost fell off our swings. :) hmm.aft tht jiang went to cut her hair! the decent looking shop was too busy or somethn so i dragged her into some ulu unisex saloon which had three/four old foggies in there.one of the hairdressers was diggin some old guys ear! -cringe- was really gross watchin the white cotton wool go into his ear and come out all stained yellow! -screams and runs away-anyways,jiangs hair is nice. :) think she looks more uhh.a-ish now. -smiles- hmm.me and pau took the train together and we walked frm one end to the other,no uhh.no the middle.so we could trail our worst nightmare! -drumrolls- lucia loh! hahahhs.and it turns out tht her bunch of friends were all sprawled out on the train floor when we found em.so much for our future perfects. -yawns- hell.think i better go shower or somethn.if im goin to be screamed at,i rather be screamed at wit clean hair. :) -nods-

((jiang)) i lovvvvvvee you too dear! -hugs-

((pau)) babyy! remember our umm.bluff-lucia-loh operation every morning kay? ;) think tht guy who went "holdin hands ah" is just plain jealous tht ive got such a pretty babyy. -beams- love you much dear!

((sam)) happy b'day. :)

2002-08-27T04:22:00.000-07:00

i didnt mean to
fall in love wit you,~~again~~

i long for the warmth of days gone by
when you were mine
but now those days are memories in time
lifes empty witout you by my side
me heart belongs to you
no matter what i try
when i get courage up to love somebody new
it always falls apart cause they just cant compare to you
your love wont release me im bound under ball and chain
reminiscin our love as i watch four seasons change

in come the winter breeze
tht chills the air and drifts the snow
and i imagine kissin you under the mistletoe
when springtime makes its way here
lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume
when summer burns wit heat
i always get the hots for you
go skinny dippin in the ocean where we used to do
when autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
when you're not here it doesnt feel the same

remember the nights when we closed our eyes
and vowed tht you and i would be in love for all time
anytime i think about these thngs i shared wit you
i break down and cry cause i get so emotional
until you release me im bound under ball and chain
reminiscin our love as i watch four seasons change

i miss you so much
i long for your love
it scares me
cause my heart gets so weak
tht i cant even breathe
how can you take thngs so easily

baby,why arent you missin me

2002-08-27T04:11:00.000-07:00

the sky was crying this day
cause it lost its most precious star

of all the thngs ive believed in
i just want to get it over wit
tears form behind my eyes
but i do not cry
counting the days tht pass me by

ive been searching deep dwn in my soul
words tht im hearin are starting to get old
it feels like im stratin all over again
the last three years were just pretend
and i said

*

i still get lost in your eyes
and it seems tht i cant live a day witout you
closing my eyes
and you chase my thoughts away
to a place where im blinded by the light
but its not right

*

and it hurts to want everythng and nothng at the same time
i want whats yours and i want whats mine
i want you
but im not giving in this time

*goodbye to you
goodbye to everythng i thought i knew
you were the one i loved
the one thng tht i tried to hold on to

the one thng tht i tried to hold on to

happy b'day to you,happy b'day to you,happy b'day to joycelyn.happy b'day to you

((joycleyn)) love you much,i do. -hugs tight-

2002-08-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

im watching you,
watch over me

im home! -smiles- came straight home frm f&n cause there wasnt anythn to do aft tht. :) but it pretty much works out for me cause my bros home! aft a week of gallavantin down under,hes home. :) got me a pair of boardin shorts and a name plate! which can be safely considered as a surprise/very sweet cause he doesnt get anythn for anyone cept his girl. -grins- anyhows,my fingers bleeding again.think the flesh under my nail is happily rotting away or somethng.but i aint cuttin my nail! -screams and hides- my nails take eternity to grow. :( hell,let it decompose.who needs a thumb anyway. -makes a face- hope god doesnt read my blog and decide to make me have an accident wit a thumb amputating machine of some sort. -hides- okay,so im hell lame.whats new. -grumblegrumble- my chest hurts all thnks to jiangs bad aiming! but thn again,thnk god tht she has bad aiming.its not like im not already qualified enough to go pose for those cheesy breast enhancement "before" treatment pictures. :( not tht i would go pose for shit like tht! ugh. -hides again- anyhows,i just watched a whale give birth! how exciting. :) my self-proclaimed patriot mum (shes decked in red and white) thought it was a dolphin. -face spasm- i said "thts one hell of a big dolphin man" and i got whacked on the head. -sulks- okay,think i ought to go stop my mum frm eating tht horrible glutinous rice (i cooked!) before she gets poisoned or somethng.

ltr.

please give it one more try for the sake of our love
lets give it one more chance cause i cant give you up
i cant live one more day witout you in my arms
i could never find another like you

oh,and by the way,i resolved to study really hard for chino to prove my love for my dearie! -laughs uncontrollably-
(umm.think only table mates/crimewatch community service members will understand this bit)

((pau)) how can i sing when my words have run dry.how can i smile wit a tear in my eye.summers so lost when its rainin in june.thts how it feels,when im missin you. -hugs- thnk you for umm.protecting me durin f&n dear.you'll always be my babyy. :)

((jiang)) you still mean much to me dear,really. -sighs-

2002-08-26T01:12:00.000-07:00

stars shining bright above you
night breezes seem to whisper, "i love you"
birds singin in the sycamore tree
"dream a little dream of me"

just say "goodnight" and kiss me
oh,hold me tight and tell me you miss me
while im alone and blue as can be
dream a little dream of me

stars fading,but i linger on,dear
still craving your kiss
im longing to linger till dawn,my dear
just saying this:
sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
sweet dreams tht leave all worries behind you
but in your dreams whatever they be
dream a little dream of me

say "nighty-night" and kiss me
oh,hold me tight and tell me you miss me
while im alone and blue as can be
dream a little dream of me

dream a little dream of you & me

-ahh! love this song. -melts-

((jun)) please take care of yourself dear.wont stop you if you think it really helps.knw we're not the closest of friends and all,but i'll be arnd if you need somebody kay? -hugs you carefully just in case i touch your leg- oww. :(

2002-08-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

how was i to knw
i'd miss you so

im home! -yawns- dont knw why im home so early tho.-shrugs- ive got nuts to do till arnd five.think i'll go watch bubble boy or somethn. :) anyhows,today was a pretty dreary day for a monday.hell lots of politics goin on in class these days.think we all ought to employ a personal secretary or somethn.-shrugs-

its strange how you try so hard to be somebody you're not.
or maybe its just tht the you i knew,wasnt you.

me and jaslyn share the same b'day! :) so anyways,she was bugging me for a pressie and when i asked her for mine,she replied "whaat? a pressie? frm me? have thou forgotten about the time long long ago when i saved your life? oh,it was such a dark stormy day.have you forgotten? oh,the horror.." -laughs uncontrollably- hell,shes funny.

you promised yourself,to somebody else
and you made it so perfectly clear

still,i wish you were here.

i never promised you a happy ending,
you never said you wouldn't make me cry

2002-08-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

hate the way i hurt myself
just to get back at you

my hair smells like "a splash of sunny orange" cause i ran out of pantene.think it smells too happy for my liking.-makes a face- anyhows,orangy or not,im glad my hairs clean.been out the entire day,running arnd town.came home smelling like a weeks of undone laundry. :l arms itching like nuts,but im glad its scabbing.long sleeved shirts just aint my thng.am running out soon anyhows.went to church,thn had boarding lessons in the morning and i hurt my elbow again.-shrugs- just tht its my left elbow this time round.ugh.aft tht mum and dad dragged me down to suntec city to book our holiday cause there was some chan bros. promo shit goin on.we were planning to go to new zealand but decided on korea cause the nw queue was too long.think kiwis are ugly anyways.hmm.aft tht i met kay at buckeroos and i was in a really foul mood so i pretty much fucked up the dinner.hell.

((kay)) sorry kay.-hides- but your "the soup is too salty" in the zhang ziyi chino-ish style english really cracked me up. :) love you much girl. -hugs-

'tis but thy name tht is my enemy.
thou art thyself,though is not a montague.
whats montague? it is nor hand,nor foot,
nor arm,nor face,nor any other part
belonging to a man.o,be some other name!
whats in a name? tht which we call a rose,
by any other word would smell as sweet.

-here juliet questions why romeo must be here enemy.she refuses to believe tht romeo is defined by being a montague,and therefore implies tht the two of them can love each other witout fear of the social repercussions.but language as an expression of social institutions such as family,politics,or religion cannot be dismissed so easily because no other chatacter in the play is willing to dismiss them.juliet loves romeo because he is romeo,but the power of her love cannot remove frm him his last name of montague or all tht it stands for.in the privacy of the garden the language of love is triumphant.but in the social world,the language of society holds sway.this battle of language,in which romeo and juliet try to remake the world so tht it would allow for their love,is on to keep an eye on.

written in the context of r&j but it pretty much applies to homosexuality too dont you think?

2002-08-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

missin you love,
im missin you more each day

baby i remember the way you used to look at me and say promises never lasts forever
i told you not to worry
i said tht everythng wuld be alright
i didnt knw thn tht you were right

miss you much. :l

2002-08-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

thts just one of the million thngs,
tht i love about you

just reached home frm an exhausting family dinner.-yawns- we had this pool side party thngy but i was by the pool side for like only five seconds before i went into the pool.uh-huh.clothed and all.-groans- so i stayed in the pool,trying desperately to stay afloat as i ate my meatloaft thngy tht tasted like dough.-cringe- came out of the pool (rather unwillingly might i add) aft an hour or so,all wrinkled and prune-ish.so im considerably happy now.happy and dry,experiencing to difficulty of balancing. :) anyhows,im really tired.played two hours of pool aft dinner and now my backs aching like nuts. :l hell,i didnt even win.-feels stupid- am goin to turn in now.

night.

((wei c)) i will take care of baby smelly. :) and i checked out your blog.wuld say im pretty darn impressed if you did it all by yourself. :) im html illiterate see.-hides- anyhows,take care of tht hurting hand/bleeding ear kay? dont want bits of you to start falling off or somethng. ;) had much fun yesterday too.the "thnk you" entry one space dwn is for you if you havent already figured. :) night.

((on)) hope you found an equally nice checkered shirt sweets.am sorry i wasnt of ~~much~~ any help.love you! :)

2002-08-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

and in case you failed to notice,in case you failed to see
this is my heart,bleeding before you
this is me dwn on my knees

doesnt matter what people say,doesnt matter tht you dont care.
it doesnt even matter if you hate me,

cause somehow you still mean the world to me.

2002-08-23T21:44:00.000-07:00

and everythng went frm wrong,
to right

thank you. :)

2002-08-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

all i ever wanted was you

-sighs- am so tired. :l aft tht horrible,horrible alumnae talk i went dwn to meet vern and pau at the playgrnd.tried really hard to study but it was pretty hard,considering tht i didnt knw which chapters we were bein tested on.-sighs- anyhows,im glad im home. :) today was a pretty dull day.-shrugs- or maybe im just not in the mood to talk.theres so much shit stuck in my head the words just aint flowing. :l ugh.~~emsetahehs~~

ought to go study or somethng.
ltr.

((wei.c)) cheery up sweets.im here kay? -hug-

((pau)) love you babyy. :)

dedicated to ((vern))

i never asked for this feeling
i never tort i'd fall
i never knew how i felt
till the day you were gone
i was lost
i never asked for red roses
i wasnt looking for love
somehow i let my emotions take hold
and guess what all at once
~~im in love~~

oh,i miss you so much
i long for your love
it scares me
cause my heart gets so weak
tht i cant even breathe
how can you take thngs so easily

baby,why arent you missing me

why did i act like you mattered
it was silly of me to believe
tht if i just opened my heart
thngs would come naturally
jokes on me
i did not ask for love letters
so why did you give em to me
how culd i let your intentions
get over on me
~~so in love~~
so naive

and oh how i hate what you have done
made me fall so deep in love
god knws you're the only one i want

shant give you any wisdomatic crap yea.just wish you'd let the people who care for you be there. -hugs-

no one culd hurt me
the way she does

2002-08-20T05:22:00.000-07:00

x furious rose x

im home! im home! im finally home! aft being cheated by some strange old lady to told me to get off at the salvation army cause the mrts nearby,im home! :) thnk god for the countless cabbys we have here in singapore.-smiles- anyhows,i knw i said i wuldnt be back but mummys out! so the mousey comes out to play. :) hmm.the incessant clinking & clonking of metal scrap is driving me totally nuts. -pulls my hair in agitation- the hungry ghost festival is here so they're setting up the stage and all right smack outside my house. :l and i understand tht its verns ambition to be one of em singers,so if you want vern,you can come by in the afternoons to practice on stage! its deserted till late evening.which is hell creepy if you ask me.i knw its for the ghost festival and all,but why the hell do the workers need to wait till evening to start working? ahh! -screams and hides- maybe they're all.. scaryscaryy. anyhows,me jiang and pau had a late "picnic" lunch at the playground,happily bitching about this hell annoying group of ~~neighbourhood school~~ girls and discussin which school we wuld go to if three grace was uhh.dis-classed? yeppyepp.aft tht we went bought a can of longans (which jiang claims to be "long-an" in chino and not "long-yan") but we needed to a can opener to open the damn can so we umm.got one. :) and spent the next ten minutes squattng on the pavement trying to open the dumb can wit the even-dumber can opener. -groans- when we finally got the can opened,we went dwn to thomas plaza to walk arnd and look at cheapo $3.90 bras tht read "i love you" across the umm.breast cups? yea.but jiang had to go home.so we went on the bus and tht was where i was abandoned.leavin me wit only tht meanie old woman who bluffed me for company. :(

((jiang)) dearie! am so sorry i spilt long-an juice on you! -laughs uncontrollably- had much fun today.thnk you loads sweety.

((pau)) babyy.your silly (annoyingly catchy!) shark song cracked me up loads.the tunes still stuck in my head btw! ugh. :l

((dap)) you silly billy! please go rub zambak (is tht how its spelt?) on your bump kay? love you muchmuch tou silly blind goof!
-hug-

2002-08-20T01:20:00.000-07:00

dont leave love bleeding in your hands

having f & n in the com lab now.the incessant buzz of the keyboard makes me feel like im a participant of a "how to be a professional typist" course or somethng. :l the keybopard is hell irritating anyhows.you've got to use like all your might on the keys or else the sentence wuld probably turn out to be somethng like this: thek eyboard ishellirritaing. -growl- anyways,really ought to be working on my conclusion now.but uhh.i still dont knw what viscosity is so a three line conclusion is goin to have to do.-hides- hmm.dont think i'll be bloggin at home later cus theres some test i have to study for i think.lit? a math? -shrugs- yeppyepp.school was fun today.had a water fight in class wit jiang and huis during recess.it was hilarious! dont believe a word huis says! she is so not innocent! she went like "i want to be wet too!" so me and jiang wet her! shes not innocent! :) aft tht the three of us went for recess and we sat at the excos table.jiang was the head of the table (literally) and i was her right hand man! (i was sitting on her right see) and huis was sat opposite me. :) we did an austin powers spoof wit jiangs sausage and fishballs. ;) go figure out which bit we spoofed. -grins- hmm.thts bout all thts blog-worthy about today.

((jiang)) sweety! thnk you for everythng yea? love you much much. -hugs tight- and im sorry i ate our wedding ring. -hides-

((pau)) i love you alotalotalot too babyy! -mwaks-

ahh! ong pui pui is like so totally sucking up to mrs.kok and mrs.g! -stomps arnd in annoyance- huiling!! the anti-ong pui pui assiociation needs to take immediate action! ahh!

ookie.ive got to go now.have to start plucking out the keys before i get chased out of the lab. ;)

ltr.

2002-08-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

you & me,always

am plopped dwn on my easy chair,bloated but still drinkin chin chow,watchin the national day rally.-feels all patriotic- decided to multi-task while i watch cus the more i look at our prime minister the more he reminds me of e.t. -hides- ahh! hes doing it again! hes drinkin the friggin new water dammit.its hell irritating! -screams and runs arnd in annoyance- if i were him i wuld quit rubbin it in malaysias face cus we're goin to be bombed or somethng soon i tell you.-tries to locate my nearest bomb shelter- gee,am i lame or whaat. :/ goin to go get more chinny chowy. :) want some?

oh,and just for the record,i think new water smells like seaweed.-cringe-

ltr.

2002-08-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

its strange how ive heard this song a thousand times and i never felt anythng.but somehow listening to it now makes me want to cry.-shrugs-

shall go make myself somethng to eat thn.

ltr.

2002-08-17T06:28:00.000-07:00

smelly cat

for some reason lisa kudrow's smelly cat keeps ringin in my head even tho kid rock is screamin at the top of his lungs on my player.hmm,i wonder why.-makes a face- anyhows,i just reached home frm tht awful seminar i was forced to attend.some acsi teacher was invited to make a presentation for the xxon youths seminar today and wit him he brought along throngs of annoying chauvanistic cows tht made me want to put myself in a strait jacket and lock me in a room wit padded walls on all four sides for the rest of my life.umm.in other words,drove me nuts. :l anyways,im glad tht was all over and i did meet one or two guys tht culd be considered almost civil. :) uhh.think hes names brandon or somethng? yeppyepp.anyways,one of my daddies fishies are dying.-sad- daddie said its cause the female fishie was a meanie so she attacked him.but i think what really happened was tht he tried to harass her! -growls- thts why she turned arnd and bit him,many times.(girl power babyy!) the poor buggers one eye blind and he cant swim upright cus hes off balanced or some shit.oh well,it wasnt tht pretty anyways.

im a sexist,so sue me. :)

you're still the one i run to.
the one tht i belong to.
you're still the one i want for life.
you're still the one tht i love.
the only one i dream of.
you're still the one i kiss good night.

you're still the one

((lynnette)) you guys played great sweets! the guitarist was not bad looking i guess,but hmm.not anythng near reason to turn straight. :) love you much dearie! -hugs-

2002-08-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

so doctor doctor wont you prescribe me somethng.
a day in the life of someone else?

2002-08-16T03:43:00.000-07:00

strange little girl.

2002-08-16T03:23:00.000-07:00

the memories we had
are playing like a film witout sound

it took me by surprise
when i saw you standin there
close enough to touch
breathin the same air
you asked me how i'd been
i guess thts when i smiled and said just fine
oh,but baby i was lying

what i really meant to say
is im dying here inside
and i miss you more each day
theres not a night i havent cried
and baby,heres the truth
im still in love wit you

and as you walked away
the echo of my words
cut just like a knife
cut so deep it hurt
i held back the tears
held on to my pride and watched you go
i wonder if you'll ever knw

what i really meant to say
is im dying here inside
and i miss you more each day
theres not a night i havent cried
and baby,heres the truth

im still in love wit you

miss you,i do. -shrugs-

okay,now tht i got tht song out of my head i can talk about my day! :) umm.assembly was a big disappointment.but hell,we had many laughs putting together the video which culdnt be seen nor heard,so there.missed all lessons before recess rehearsing and watching miss.heng ~~dance~~ do awkward body movements.was a mistake askin her to participate cus like,frm the third row onwards everyone was busy trying not to laugh no one was really dancing.oh wells.aft tht i went for ld and sat beside zhi ying who fried my brains wit a primary one math question.-feels really stupid- and silly yogs who broke her big toe.kept going "blame the lame,the lame is blamed" cus we were goin to tell mrs.tian tht we were late cus of her.tht nut never fails to crack me up.

lesson of the day
never touch yogs hair. -covers my ears-

its over and done.but the heartache lives on inside.
and who are you clinging to,instead of me tonight.

2002-08-15T03:09:00.000-07:00

its like bein lost in heaven
when im lost in your eyes

just watched 100 girls. :) pretty crude,but a true blue romantic sucker kinda show.which is probably why i liked it i guess.hmm.
tht,or im just bored out of my wits.took napfa today,so considerin i ~~broke~~ bruised? my toes by pulling a not-too-awfully graceful acrobatic stunt on the table-tennis table, (sounds strange doesnt it? hmm.) im mighty proud of myself. :) pau did my standing broad jump tho.thnk you sweetie! -hugs- uhh.dont tell miss.lim kay? shhh! anyhows,i dont knw why but i left straight aft tht.wasnt feeling too dandy i guess.ohh,before i forget..

happy b'dae to you! happy b'day to you! happy b'day to yoggie! happy b'day to you! :)

your pressies still in my locker.sorryy. :l our assembly items tmrw.and if everythng goes as planned,we're goin to kick ass,baby! -jumps arnd in anticipation-

you're so close yet so far,
its eating me up inside.

ltr.

2002-08-13T07:43:00.000-07:00

do you hurt me cause
you're afraid of getting hurt

feelng pretty lost now. :l lost,and losing.-shrugs- ugh.

mummys pissed and shes rambling on bout somethng but i cant decipher what exactly shes saying.
you reading this mum? im not listening.

go away. :(

-crawls up in a corner and hides-

2002-08-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

strangely out of place
theres a light filling this room where
none wuld follow before
i cant deny it burns me up inside
i fan the flames to melt away my pride
do i want shelter frm the rain
or the rain to wash me away

i need you,i need you,i need you
i need you,i need you,i need you
you're all im living for

i might sound like a fool
but i think i felt you moving closer to me
face to the ground to hide the fatal cut
i fight the weight,i feel you lift me up
you are the shelter frm the rain
and rain to wash me away

((you)) are all i need to get me through. :)

2002-08-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

looking at you
makes my skin crawl

"shes right,you knw" says graham,hugging her again."we do deserve each other.im your punishment for sleepin wit guy.im your penance,sent frm above."
"what about me thn?"
"you're my reward for fifteen years of selfless charity work in the soup kitchen of calcutta."
"you havent done fifteen years charity work"
"i knw.god obviously thinks i have,tho.i reckon it was a clerical error."
"what - you're my punishment and im your clerical error?"
"somethng like tht," he says,folding her cold,delicate fingers into the warmth of his palms.
keri looks at him,thru her swollen and raw eyes,seein his face more clearly thn she has ever seen it before.she holds his gaze,and they stare at each othr,unsmiling,two motionless bodies impeding the flow on a busy london pavement,both suddenly gripped by the silent,intense upswell of an unreserved mutal acceptance,blessin ther look and thier touch wit an electricity of trust and anticipation.almost crying again.her throat beginnin to tighten,keri breaks the moment wit a smile and a slow,deep kiss.
"well," she says,sauckin in a tiny blob of saliva frm her bottom lip,"im glad theres an angel up theres whos a bad typist."
graham kisses her once more,gently,on the mouth.
"me too," he says. "me too."

((the love hexagon)) - william sutcliffe

think thts awfully sweet.-sighs- its like the attack of the couples or somethng man! there're all over the place! -hides- in class,on roads,in malls,at taxi stands,even at home im not spared. :( bro and his girl lying on the couch right now watching mib ll.it helps tht will smith is cute enough to keep me distracted.-smiles- anyhows,tht bout all ive got to say.my eyes are all poofy,my nose is doing a marathon,im running a temp and my heads throbbin like hell.ugh.

to top it off like whipped cream,ive got a math test tmrw. :(

wuld try to explain thngs to you,but i havent got anythng to say.
nothng cept im sorry. :( really am.

2002-08-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

if you're gone,
thn baby its time to come home

it cant be monday tmrw! -pulls hair in agitation- ugh. :l thts just plain cruel.shuldnt be uhh.extend the peroid of celebration and all festivities or somethng.singapores thirty seven you knw.we wont ever be thirty seven again! hasnt anyone ever tort of tht? hmm.okay,so maybe tht doesnt make sense at all.but hell,im desperate.been sleeping and waking at the strangest hours these past three days,waking up at ungodly five forty five is a sin! and thinking bout tht five item test makes my bloated tummy curl. :(

as you can tell,im really dreading school. -hides-

okay,now tht ive gotten tht off my chest we can now talk bout my unbelievably uneventful day. :) dint manage to wake up in time for church or boarding classes.actually,i didnt wake up in time for breakfast,lunch or tea either.so..umm.anyways,when i did wake up,we went dwn to the water catchment area (daddy said the nearest resevoir was too far) to release fillet and o'fish back where they belong. :) was rather sad actually,but i got over it when daddy took me for fish and chips. -laughs uncontrollably- dramatic irony!

and the highlight of the day was cooking dinner! :) uh-huh.for the entire family! mummy agreed to let me cook whatever i wanted,
so we had::
x potato chicken stew
x crabstick vermicelli egg
x steamed egg toufu and minced pork
x funny vege
x otar
x rice

-smiles- umm.everythng turned out pretty well cept for the funny vege.(it was cooked under great protest!) mummy helped me wit everythng tho,just to make sure i didnt poison the family or anythng i guess.she tried to pretend tht she wasnt watching so as not to hurt my ego,but aft standing there stirrin her coffee and attempting to make conversation for more thn fifteen minutes,it got a little obvious. -shrugs- in the end i just let her help me,and however busy she was,she always had time to come over and notice tht i had teeny weeny bits of egg shell in my umm.egg mixture? annoying as hell i tell you,but funny all the same.love my mummy. :)

anyways,ltr sweets.got to go catch austin wit my sis.

love you,i do.really do. :)

2002-08-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

what happened to the "i love you"s
the hugs and the kisses and the rendezvous
what happened to me and you
you said you'd never change
what happened
baby,talk to me
you used to be sugar sweet
just like candy
now you're breaking my heart
wit all your broken promises

((broken promises)) - tonya mitchell

2002-08-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

i try to say goodbye and i choke
try to walk away and i stumble
tho i try to hide it,its clear
my world crumbles when you are ~~not~~ here.

nobody culd hurt me like you do.

2002-08-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

hugs in the morning and
butterfly kisses at night

uhh.its supposed to go like "wit all tht ive done wrong,i must have done somethng right.to deserve hugs in the morning,and butterfly kisses at night" mighty sweet song written by a daddy for his daughter. :) anyhows,my daddys mighty sweet too! aft an entire day (uh-huh.spent the whole day slackin off at home) of pestering/reasoning/whining/wailing/pouting/sulking/kicking/screaming,
and alot of screaming i might add,he finally agreed to release fillet and o'fish into the resevoir! -beams- everybodys against it cus its as good as throwing three hundred plus buckeroos dwn the elevator shaft.but daddy said he'll let he do whatever i want wit em cus they're mine! (think its more like he culdnt take any more of my incessant bugging) whatever it is,ive got my way.and im happy as hell. :) why i want to release em into the resevoir is a conclusion of several incoherent factors tht probably no one understands (cept me) so i shant elaborate. :) uhh.i bought new pj pants! -jumps up and dwn in excitement- am wearin em now.they're really comfy.
-beams- hmm.guess i managed to bore you out of yours,so i'll zip.

night. :)

"she'll change her name today,
she'll make a promise and i'll give her away.
standing in the bride room just staring at her,
she asks me what im thinkin and i said im not sure,
i just feel like im losing my baby girl"

2002-08-09T18:12:00.000-07:00

stupid mistake

sittin here wit my box of butterscotch candy listenin to gabrielle.not in the best of moods cus practically nobody turned up for filming today.(besides the camera man and one extra) -growl- which means tht we're going to have to act it out on stage on tht day itself.which also means tht it will make us no different frm the other thirty odd classes. :/ but hell,i cant be bothered no more.dont even knw why i give a shit bout our rep.anyhows,i think cnb's newest line of posty/radio ads are simply the cutest!

umm.my favourite goes like this:: (on radio)
"boing,boing,boing" (it keeps goin on in the background) mummy told kenny kangeroo: "ketamine is very bad." but kenny didnt listen to her.and now hes gone quite mad! "boing,boing,boing,boing,boing,boing,boing"

uhh.its pretty hard to put it across in words.if you're really tht interested,go listen to perfect ten. :)

joann the hen wanted to sing like madonna.but thn she took heroin and now shes a goner.

fiona chameleon culd change her colours anywhere she went.but once she started on ectasy her colourful like was spent.

nicenice. :)

hmm.think im headin back to bed.-yawns-

ltr.

it culd happen to anyone of us.
anyone you think of.
anyone culd fall.
anyone culd hurt someone they love.
hearts can break.
cus i made a stupid mistake.

"who needs a heart when a heart can be broken"

2002-08-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

a little taste of hypocrisy
~~((i hope you burn in hell for this shit))~~

playin wit mr.squishy,my newest goo-ey toy. :) listenin to sunday morning call by oasis and somehow its making me really sleepy.
-yawns- might be meeting her later on,but as much as im excited.the only torts ive got stuck in my head are torts of how to back out. :l all i really want to do is lie on the couch and stuff myself silly/finish learning "your song" on guitar,basically anythng tht doesnt involve me feeling awkward and having to entertain and make conversation.ugh. :l but the day is once again saved by you.thnk you for ~~trying to~~ cheering me up sweets. -hugs- uhh.names are not mentioned so as to prevent confusion/misunderstanding/probing.peeps nowadays seem to like to claim messages for themselves and start mouthing off even before they're sure of anythng.annoying as hell i tell you.

i said maybe,
you're goin to be the one tht saves me.
and afterall,
you're my wonderwall.

today,grow in gratitude. :)

happy national day! happy national day! happy national day!

gee,im nuts. -hides-

ltr.

2002-08-08T04:58:00.000-07:00

black tangerine

am really comfy sprawled out on my bed wit the keyboard on my tummy munching pooh&friends mini butter cookies! but its kinda gross cus my fingers are all icky frm helpin mummie glue up her notice board.-makes a face- anyhows,for the daily uhh.day reviews,today was pretty darn fun. :) aft the seriously stupid national day celebration,me lynnette and cand stayed in class freaking each other out wit silly ghost stories and our over-active imagination. :) we helped nette dye her hair too! speaking of which,my fingers look like they are permanantly covered in dirt and grease cus the annoying hazelnut dye just refuses to wash off. :l umm.moving on,we headed dwn to junction eight to get lunch.thn we went to some cheesy vcd shop and i found it there! the long,hard search for "the virgin suicides" has finally ended! -beamms- bought tht,and also "dark stories" part one and two.(it was a buy one get one free thngy) but it was a huge disappointment cus it wusnt dark at all. :l switched it off aft an agonising fifteen minutes of waiting for some ghoul to appear.didnt even bother to try part two.-grumblegrumble- but we had fun all the same.me and cand bought black velvety slippers! nicenice. :) now shes officially my "sexy slipper sister"! :) otherwise kwn as s³.basically we just walked arnd junction eight cracking each other up wit friggin lame shit.like jokes tht have been cracked a million times over and shit.-feels stupid-

((cand)) thnk you for everythng dearie! you brightened up my day. :) -hugs tight- happy national day!

((min)) love you kuda,i do. :)

this ones for ((you))

oceans apart,day aft day
and i slowly go insane
i hear your voice on the line
but it doesnt stop the pain
if i see you next to never
how can we say forever

wherever you go
whatever you do
i will be right here waiting for you
whatever it takes
or how my heart breaks
i will be right here,
waiting for you.

i took for granted,all the times
tht i tort wuld last somehow
i hear the laughter,taste the tears
but i cant get near you now
oh cant you see it baby
you got me goin crazy

-finally mastered playin this song. :) think its mighty sweet/~~true~~.
-sighs-

2002-08-07T01:42:00.000-07:00

just because ure paranoid
doesnt mean they're not out to get you

its been a pretty dull day.-shrugs- was goin to head dwn to my sisters office when romeo and juliet fought.so i ended up trailing the traumatised juliet all over the place,thn persuaded romeo to drag ~~her~~ his ass back frm mantua.was really tedious actually,but all ended well so it paid off i guess. :) umm.went dwn to the convent wit lynnette to finish her two hours of cwo.starting off helpin her scrub and clean,but i ended up talkin to the old folks inside.-hides- they are really sweet,those folks,kept thankin us for helping out wit the chores.i really dont mind goin dwn to clean out the place once in awhile. :) umm.aft tht romeo finally bid farewell to ~~her~~ his fair lady and met us in macs.we had a big discussion on whether to cut/dye/let hair grow.we culdnt really decide so i just figured i'd head back home.was really tired anyways.hell. :l

i stopped thinking.uhh,might sound like a pretty strange thng to say but,i did.figured thngs were too complicated so i stopped thinking completely.well,almost completely.used to ponder and mull over thngs in my head all the time.but lately i didnt like the conclusions i was coming to so i just stopped.became kind of numb.i notice everythng,take in everythng,but i just didnt clutter up my mind wit any more explanations.concerned myself purely wit the what,how,who,when,where and left the why to another time.might sound silly and all,but hey,it works. :)

at tht moment,for the first time in my life,i hated you.

2002-08-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

everytime i look at you,

a part of me dies inside.

no one culd hurt me like you do.hurts so bad i almost hate you.but i simply cant bring myself to.

2002-08-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

maybe six feet aint so far dwn

im stuffed.like really stuffed. :l pau and i went on an eating spree aft f&n and totally stuffed our faces.am sorry but due to my limited vocabulary "stuffed" is the only word i can use to describe umm.how stuffed i am. :) okayy.i think you get the idea.

~~stuff~~ in my pot belly!
x fillet'o fish
x four nuggets
x half a packet of large fries
x mc flurry
x regular coke
x bowl of fish porridge
x can of orange tea

all dwned in the short span of say,an hour and a half? -rubs pot belly- both of us seriously felt like puking half-way thru the fish porridge/noodles(pau) but we made a certain pact wit god. -goofy grin- so,you culd say we had alot of motivation. :) aft tht we dragged our bloated tummies all the way to the playground behind the comm centre and sat there for another hour and a half.bitching,analysing and umm.basically bitching. :) learnt ~~stuff~~ tht i really wuld have rathered be left in the dark about. -winks at pau- and ~~stuff~~ tht simply reinforced impressions of some peeps. :l anyhows,had lots of fun wit my baby. -beamms- altho swinging on the uhh.swings and bumping up and dwn on the see-saw wasnt too bright an idea. :/ was kinda disappointed when the day ended.but oh wells. :)

and a note bout school,am happyhappyhappy. :) -smiles to myself- umm.think only pau and vern will understand this bit.

tybalt is evil.handsome but evil. :l

((pau)) if god really keeps the promise tht he didnt make,they owe us big time! :) had much fun dearie.thnk you for today. -hug-

dedicated to ((pau))

let me lick you up and dwn
will you say stop
let me play wit your body baby
make you real hot
let me do all the things you want me to do
cus tonight baby i wanta get freaky wit you

-umm.the chorus of the song i was telling you about! the rest of it is a tad too cheesy. :)

2002-08-05T02:55:00.000-07:00

i cant remember the last time tht we kissed goodbye.
all our "i love yous" were just not enough to survive.
somethng your eyes never told me.
but its only now too plain to see.
brilliant disguise when you hold me.
and im free.
ive been thinkin and heres wot ive come to conclude.
sometimes the distance is more thn two people can use.
but how culd i have knwn girl.
it was time and not space you wuld need.
darling tonight i culd hold you and you wuld knw.
but wuld you believe.
theres a light in your eyes tht i used to see.
theres a place in your heart where i used to be.
was i wrong to assume tht you were waiting for me.

its been awhile since ive seen you so how have you been.
did you get the letter i wrote you,but i did not send
i tried to call your old number.
but the voice tht i heard on the phone.
i recognized but she told me the number was wrong.

theres a light in your eyes.
did you leave tht light burning for me.

think i said it before,but i'll say it again.
i hatehatehate bonzi buddy pop ups! ugh.

2002-08-05T02:41:00.000-07:00

okayy.once again ive come to conclude tht my entire family is pychotic.-shakes head in annoyance- met some aunty i never knew i ever had aft lunch.and boy,i bet she culd out-talk those twenty four hour helpline answering machines.sis and i gathered tht shes one of those who feels the need to knw everythng about everythng,or least feels the need to have an opinion about everythng.she made as much sense as my shoe.-face spasm- think she probably lies in bed at night trying to decide how she feels about antartic exploration or somethng.

"we shuld have another war,a big one,us and the russians,or the germans,or the americans,i dont care.just somewhere were we can send all the wasters,plebs and alans of this world to soak up the artillery for a bit,and thn call a truce.there wuld be less traffic on the roads,less queues in the supermarkets and less dullards like alan and brenda to drag you dwn the pub on a tuesday night.."
-danny king,the bank robber diaries

pretty much sums up how we felt. :l its a really good book btw. :) anyhows,everybody was glad when tht was her ('cept her maybe) and i culdnt help but cringe when she went "so when are we meeting again".-cringe again- okayokay.enough bout nutcase aunts.umm. the fish fanatics,my mum and dad are all excited cus fillet laid eggs! :) alright,i admit tht is pretty exciting.but they've got their faces plastered to the tank,peeled for the slightest movement.i mean,gee.they're just fish.my bros happily introducing our new bread toaster/sandwich maker thngamajig to the family.-laughs uncontrollably- and umm.yeaa.i hate to admit,but hes eleven years older thn me.-hides-

and a note bout school,2.4 totally sucked.but it made my day too.umm.not the running but uhh.nvmd. :)
~~[yawaevolruoyedihottogevuyeh]~~

here i stand head in hand.
turn my face to the wall.
if shes gone i cant go on.
feelin two-foot small.

well,wot did i say.

((cand)) you silly billy.thnk you for umm."motivating" me to run. :) you're the world's greatest running buddy! -hugs tight-

((vern)) thnk you dearie.ure the sweetest.-hugs- your ever-greatest/utterly useless analyser loves you muchmuch too.(am always here kay) -mwaks-

2002-08-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

to ((you))

i knw tht you can hear the rhythm of the rain.
altho we're miles apart i knw you can feel my pain.
i try to be so strong,i try to carry on.
but since you left the sun dont seem to shine.
my tears are falling on the words you wrote to me.
i wish tht somehow they culd take me where i wanta be.
it seems so long ago,when you held me when i cried.
for now i just pretend ure by my side.

but everythng tht i touch turns to blue.
when im living in a world witout you.
im going crazy baby,im missin you.

cant imagine all i go thru.
when im living in a world witout you.
~~im not alone i knw tht you can feel it too.~~
i try to watch a movie but ure all tht i can see.
in my dreams i knw i always see you constantly.
but thn my dream comes to an end and im alone.
and i cant seem to let this feeling go.

cause everythng tht i touch turns to blue.
when im living in a world witout you.
im going crazy baby,im missin you.

im going crazy missin you baby.
living witout you.

2002-08-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

yeaa babyy!

hahahh.if you havent already guessed,i watched austin powers! :) sexual innuendo,crude jokes,very crude language but funny as hell. :) managed to keep me awake thru out the show even tho i was already dozing off in the cinema.went out for supper at arnd two in the mornin and reached home at about four.but tired as i was,somehow i culdnt get to sleep. :l kept buggin my sis to play scrabble wit me,and she did! we played till i got sick of losing and knocked out on her bedroom floor.woke up freezing cold about three hours later and ive been up ever since.-face spasm- umm.okayy.-rewiiiiiiind- before tht daph,lynnette and i headed dwn to far east to get pedicures! umm.wait,i was the only one who got a pedicure.oh wells.toenails are like matte grey or sumthng.culdnt stop laughin cus the woman [pedicurist?] kept ticklin my feet. :) anyways,aft tht we walked arnd,constantly being trailed by shopkeepers as if we had "shoplifters anonymous" tattoed to our foreheads or sumthn.like .. thn went to a food centre tht was really just one shop.had to myself to swallow my beef noodles so many times cus silly daph otherwise knwn as "fenni" or "dapootnii" went on and on about body hair,armpit hair,chest hair,facial hair..okay.i think you get the idea. :)

tort about leaving for some new place.
somewhere where i dont have to see your face.
cause seein you only brings me out in tears.
thinkin of the times we've spent together all these years.

((ouyssim))

2002-07-31T03:30:00.000-07:00

frm ancient grudge break to new mutiny..

there seems to be a modern day romeo and juliet star-crossed lovers thngy goin on in three grace.-shrugs- can almost picture her goin "romeo,romeo,wherefore art thou romeo" but thn again im nuts,so just ignore me.umm.spent the entire afternoon sittin wit vern,thn afterwards pearlyn at macs.had lots of fun,but all tht plannin to take over and rule the universe wit my newly found mojo,(pearlyn) only made me realise how much im missin her. :l oh wells.cant do nuts bout it.anyways,ive been to a total of six vcd shops and none of em have "virgin suicides" like,wots up their ass. :( if anyone has it,please loan it to me? or least tell me where to find it or sumthn.thnks. :)

ltr.

((vern)) time has a way of woundin wot has healed.wot can i say,but i knw how you feel.and sometimes the harder you try,the harder you fall.am glad you seem to have figured stuff out more or less.wotever it is,like ive said a million times before,im here. :)

((yogs)) oh me oh my oh bother! was happily listenin to evan and jaron when suddenly i hear the mission impossible theme song! wots up wit tht man! -laughs uncontrollably- anyhows,thnks fer the umm.big breast joke,pork ribs. :) it really cracked me up.and as for the cool nurse bit,i did not appreciate the pun,thnk you very much. :) and by the way,i tort the fallin baby thngy was wayy cute! umm.the "like a fallin star i fell for you" bit. :) -gasp- the music just stopped.[yayy!] okay,think ive rattled on quite abit,you take care and cheery up kay? no hurry wit tht reply dearie. -mwaks-

2002-07-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

if i were to die murdered in cold blood tmrw,
wuld you feel sorrow or show love..
or wuld it matter?

some song i dont recognise keeps playin at the back of my head and its drivin me nuts. :l skipped school cus i had to go for some check up today but i skipped tht as well.figured there wus no point really.-yawns- day out wit steffie yesterday was fun. :) watched mib ll.was a "dumbass" quote.unquote. show,but we got a kick out of trailin this ~~cute~~ guy arnd lido and pretendin peeps had balls under their chins.umm.shant elaborate.

who culd knw the emptiness inside.
every time i see your face.
too many feelings left behind.
do you wonder why.
i turn away when you look at me.
never wantin your eyes to see.
this desperate heart tht knws,
how perfect we culd be.
you and me.

now when i need you the most,
you dont knw.

2002-07-27T04:44:00.000-07:00

why do you always want to get the best of me.
im like a seein-eye dog and i cant even see.
they're naked and they're followin my master whos blind.
and my minds gone to pieces,i culd use some peace of mind.
so i picked up the pieces and i made a new start.
stole an old stiletto,started stabbin in the dark.
i cant live witout it,i wuld surely fall apart.
but its hard to make arrangements round a bittersweet heart.
bittersweet heart.
better get yourself a lil street smart.
bittersweet heart,sad but true.
its a bittersweet heart thts a hard heart to cure.
its just my bittersweet heart.
its like a suicide mission when you cant see no end.
tired of compliment-fishin and impressin your friends.
i never kissed no one just to kiss and tell.
its a little bit of heaven and a whole lot of hell.
in the eye of the beholder is a beautiful start.
but you always seem to end up wit a bittersweet heart.
theres a darkness loomin but the sun is shinin bright.
i can live to see the mornin if i stay up all night.

and in time inside you find you'll always wind up wit a bittersweet heart.

2002-07-27T04:36:00.000-07:00

you live your own life in your own time
and in your own dead indifferent way

burger kings newest chicken whopper ad is the cutest! :) hmm.went dwn to catch the cheerleadin competition today.seemed like the entire sn population was there. :) kudos to shimmer! you guys were fabs.-smiles- hmm.thought wots-tht-team-called was not bad either tho.umm.magnum force? is tht it? yeppyepp.the one where the girls skirt fell off.think shes really brave.-claps- hmm.it all ended pretty well,abruptly tho? oh wells.went off wit von to catch powerpuff girls the movie.and all thnks to her i had to sit thru say,an hour and a half of monkey mania.-face spasm- the place was packed wit surprisingly quiet kids,and this couple who culdnt keep their hands to themselves.had the urge to ask em to go get a room or sumthn.-growls- but i had much fun anyhows,was kinda disappointed when we finally found chicken wings. :l [umm.cus tht meant tht i had to go home.umm.forget it.]

hold on
hold on
dont be scared
you'll never change wots been and gone
may your smile
shine on
dont be scared
your destiny will keep you on
cause of all the stars
have faded away
just try not to worry
you'll seem em some day
take wot you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out
get up
come on
why are you scared
you'll never change wots been and gone
cause all of the stars
have faded away
just try not to worry
you'll see em some day
just take wot you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out
-dedicated to ((joycelyn))
love you much dearie. -hugs-

2002-07-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

why does it always rain on me

simply love the weather tonight.its been rainin fer almost an hour now,and ive been watchin the rain pour for almost an hour now. :) ive got a really pretty view frm my window.-smiles- think its goin to stop soon tho.-pouts- thunderstorms been reduced to nutthn more thn a drizzle.oh wells.i cut my hair today! cus maria sng the shortfuck wuldnt let me go for assembly “looking like tht” like ... tht wuld explain my absence frm the field today. :) climbed into class and sat readin lime thts five months old wit samurai goin on bout sumthn i didn’t quite hear.-hides- so anyways,here i am,hedious-er thn i was.[which is quite a feat,considerin how hedious i already was.gee.] plopped on my bed,armed wit my laptop and a bag of hot and spicy potato chips,tired,but strangly at peace wit the world.seein steffie was the highlight of the day.but it almost made me feel as if someone punched me in the tummy. :l didn’t quite knw whether to laugh or cry.figured even if i tried explainin you wuldnt understand.so i shant.saw the spidey cat man in primitive.hurt cus i remember and she probably doesn’t.-shrugs- ~~hurts like hell tht i see you right in front of me,yet you’re further thn a million miles away~~ umm.oh yea.saw this really angsty lookin butch workin in bubble tea.she looks like shes got issues man.tort she was kinda cute tho? -grins- for one,she draws really well! but thn again i only caught a glimpse and it was upside down.[i was too scared to go lookielookie]

todays high: when joycelyn tried to yank a wig off a mannequin so she culd put it on steffie.she ended up yankin off the poor dolls whole head.

todays low: when the totally annoyin assistant [shes not even fcukin qualified to cut hair!] asked us to quit messin arnd and sit down in a corner.like whoa.*****

guess the doll wasn’t the only one who lost her head huh?
okayy.im sorry.my attempt at bein funny didn’t quite work out. :l

you make loving you,so easy for me. :)

-posted on 25072002 [bloggers fcut up!]

2002-07-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

frustrated,incorporated

guess whos back,back again! steffies back! tell ~~some men~~ a friend! yayy. :) had a totally fabsie day. -beamms- umm.where do i start,where do i start.ookie.ive got a new chino tcher! who apparently thinks hes some hot-shot and tries far too hard to talk like daomingshi.wit every pose he strikes,i miss zhang lao shi more. :l but i guess im glad too.cus tht means a huge load has been lifted frm her shoulders. :) umm.-fast forwards to aft school- jiang,claud and i were tryin out the first scene of our assembly item.stood on the tchers table and threw two packs of cards up in the air,thn jiang and claud startd doin the whole 'king of gamblers' shit.~~actually the had the aces hidden away in their pockets!~~ it totally cracked me up. :) but pickin up the scattered cards was quite an ordeal tho.-makes a face- oh wells.after tht jiang and i went to look fer aunty ~~sua koo~~ suan choo but she blew us off cus she had some media crap tht was "more important" thn our crap.like ... anyhows,we were thn dragged by cand to watch her beckham baby rehearse.which was rather sleep-inducin actually.-yawns- friggin dinosiew was there,and shes far too enthu about it if you ask me.-cringe- anyways,we [jiang,cand,lynn,on and i] went to the canteen to slack off.i ended up devourin a bowl of mousie tails and four cups of ice milo! :) umm.we talked about our film and how we'd include every single gracian in the film.it was damn friggin funny.but you probably wuldnt think so,so i shant elaborate.ohh.thn we saw the most passionate public kiss ever seen in school! there was this girl who gave samm a really huge smack on her cheek.wus really loud and all! culd hear the mwakk frm three tables away. :) we were all pretty shocked,but its alright i guess cus the girls abit umm.slow.okayokayy.cheap thrill.-feels stupid- we thn headed down to macs to make a delivery to jiam.shes so dammit sweet! really knws how to treat a girl right.** is a lucky ducky. :) and finally,aft buyin my happy meal (which came wit a robo-chi pet!) jiang,lynn and i walked all the way to yio chu kang,discussin how lynn wuld build her sadistic,satanic school where students are taught to love their parents but all commit suicide on grad night.-blank stare- i love the newest line of oreo ads! -smiles-

theres a black dragon tht sits on the tchers table,and a yellow one on dragonz.
or is it the other way round?

sorry for the umm.eyeful. :l

thnk you xjiangx xcandx xlynnx xonx fer makin my day! :) -hugs-

((cand)) im sorry bout mushrooms eye dearie.promise i'll fix it yea.and dont you worry bout him,cus hes got poo-chi bai fer company! :)

((vern)) thnk you sweety. -hugs- tht meant alot to me.umm.ive got stuff to tell you.catch you tmrw yepp?

they say misery,loves company.
we culd start a company and make misery.

we culd build a factory,and make misery.
we'll create the cure;we made the diease.

put me out of my misery.
all you suicide kings and drama queens.
forever after happily,making misery.

2002-07-23T04:02:00.000-07:00

x lucy in the sky wit diamonds x

f&n ended pretty early today. :) been just bummin arnd ever since.talked to,umm.~~dragonx~~ dragonz? in the comm lab just now.as strange as she is,somehow im umm.idontknw.somewot in awe? dont exactly knw how to put it.shes created her fantasy world and shes got someone to share it wit her.~~[eelennaoj]~~ and no matter wot peeps say,no matter how nasty peeps get,she simply culdnt care less cus shes happy in her own world.-blank stare- am not sayin tht everyone ought to go do 'zen for dragons' or shit like tht,but i guess im just impressed by how she doesnt need to feel accepted.am beginnin to realise tht im a much bigger freak thn she is.oh wells.learnin new shit everyday aint we.am listenin to halie jade go "think my dads gone crazy!" eminem is the ultimate cutest. :) love the part where he goes,

its like my mother always told me,
rnrnrnrnrnrrrr,and codeine and goddammit,you little motherfcuker.
if you aint got nutthn nice to say thn dont say nutthn.

uh. :)

picture yourself in a boat on a river.
wit tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
somebody calls you,you answer quite slowly.
a girl wit kaleidoscope eyes.

cellophane flowers of yellow and green.
towerin over your head.
look for the girl wit the sun in her eyes.
and shes gone.

lucy in the sky wit diamonds.

follow her down to a bridge by a fountain.
where rockin horse people eat marshmallow pies.
everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers.
tht grow so incredibly high.

newspaper taxis appear on the shore.
waitin to take you away.
climb in the back wit your head in the clouds.
and ure gone.

lucy in the sky wit diamonds.

picture yourself on a train in a station.
wit plasticine porters wit lookin glass ties.
suddenly someone is there at the turnstile.
the girl wit kaleidoscope eyes.

my tears are in vain,the reasons the same.
time cant heal my yesterdays,and i cant go on.
~~loving you more each day.~~

((yogs)) heyy.im not a tall mop kay. :l dont call me tht! or i'll tell everyone tht you have p****** fingers! -laughs uncontrollably- and umm.-whispers- whos the she tht doesnt see you? ~~she ought to like,get glasses or sumthn~~

2002-07-22T01:41:00.000-07:00

x pneumonia x

my girlfriend started coughing.unable to bear the thought of her dying and leaving me to face the world alone,i rushed her the hospital.i demanded tht they put her on a life-support machine.'quickly',i screamed.'before its too late'.the doc told me she wasnt slippin away,the all she had was a little cold.i culdnt believe him.before long we were surrounded by medical personnel.jeering,and shoutin terrible words,they chased us away.'but wot if its terminal pneumonia?' i yelled,as stethoscopes and scalpels bounced off out heads.'what would i do thn?'

aww. :)

am home! todae didnt turn out half as bad as i expected it to.seein her on my way home perked me up some. :) sorted shit out.well,
not quite,but least i found out wot i needed to knw.stinks when thngs you think make sense only makes sense to you,oh well.reality bites. :l anyhows,am watchin 'bossa nova' on hbo now and its really funnie,in a twisted way i guess. :)

((changchang))thnk you dearie,but im alright.everythng will clear up soon kay? be strong my little one. -hugs-

yea,so wots new.

please come now.
i think im fallin.
im holding on to all i think is safe.
it seems i found the road to nowhere.
and im trying to escape.
i yelled back when i heard thunder.
but im down to one last breath.
and wit it let me say.
let me say.

hold me now.
im six feet frm the edge and im thinkin.
tht maybe six feet aint so far down.

im lookin down now tht its over.
reflectin on all of my mistakes.
i thought i found the road to somewhere.
somewhere in his grace.
im crying out heaven save me.
but im down to one last breath.

take tht fish and shove it up your ass.

2002-07-19T05:56:00.000-07:00

x shipwrecked x

after the shipwreck i was devasted and cried for weeks.when i emerged frm my grief i realised tht my girlfriends death shuldnt be the end of me.i found someone as pretty and nice as her,and eventually i invited her on a beach holiday.my old girlfriend was washed up on the shore.she'd been clinging to a plank for fourteen months,livin on raw fish,rainwater and her love for me.i was faced wit a choice.my new girl won because the old one was skinny and bedraggled,and besides,the water had made her all crinkly.

ouch.

((yogs)) [as found on yourstar in teens]
leo: july 23 - aug 22 (yesyes,i knw when your b'dae is you big mooncake!)
you're goin to have a great time time month,but dont make hasty decisions.
*love:opportunities for love a plentiful,but committed love is still complicated.
*friendship:your friends wish to follow you thru altho you have to be careful in trustin em.
*take initiative on:25,27
*lie low on:1,14
*lucky numbers:7,10

and in case you havent already realised,the one i read you wusnt umm.too awfully accurate. -hides- thnks fer crackin me up today mr.rain man. :)

2002-07-18T02:29:00.000-07:00

dont go chasin waterfalls

thngs tht make you go "hmm" [as found on partingshot in teens]
in case you needed further proof tht the human race is doomed,
here are some actual label instrucions on consumer goods.

on a pack of peanuts - warning: contains nuts.

on a jap food processor - not to be used fer the other use. [gee.]

on a bag of chips - you culd be a winner! no purchase necessary.details inside.

on a kids superman costume - wearin of this garment does not enable you to fly.

on frozen dinner - serving suggestion: defrost.

on a chainsaw - do not attempt to stop chain wit your hands or genitals. [double geee.]

they're right.the human race is doomed.anyhows,just caught the endin of "the story of us" -smiles- awfully sweet show.love the bit when they sit arnd the dinner table and everyone spills their highs and ~~lows~~ of the day. :) well,my high of the day wus durin chino when char and i decided to get married and live by the ~~country~~seaside cus we were both tired of existin.it cracked me up so bad i totally fergot bout everythn else. (just fer tht fifteen minutes,but hell.thts good enough) and umm.my ~~low~~ wus pretty much the rest of the day. :l 'cept fer all the "are you alrights" and mighty nice huggs.-smiles- three graces full of sweeties. :) oh,and the cabby i came home in smelt nicenice! wus tryin to like,umm.breathe in all i culd before i got off.wus fumblin wit my change and all my stuff.think the uncle wus pretty miffed. :l bought the this months,no august's teens mag.the one thts bein passed round the class is takin too long to reach me. :l hell.i wanta keep eminems pics anyways.hes so yummie in a suit! -grins- yeaaa.

"guess whos back" -swooon-

why are there so many,
songs about rainbows,
and wots on the other side.
rainbows are visions.
they're only illusions.
and rainbows have nutthn to hide.
so we've been told and some chose to
believe it
but i knw they're wrong wait and see
someday we'll find it,
the rainbow connection.
the lovers,the dreamers and me.

who said tht every wish.
wuld be heard and answered.
when wished on the mornin star.
somebody tort of tht.
and someone believed it.
and look wot its done so far.
wots so amazing.
tht keeps us star gazing.
tht so we think we might see.
someday we'll find it.
tht rainbow connection.
the lovers,the dreamers and me.

-love this song.especially the muppets version sung by kermit the frog! :)

((to whoever it may concern))
it looks as tho ure lettin go.
and if its real,well,i dont want to knw.
dont speak.
i knw just wot ure sayin.
so please stop explainin.
dont tell me cus it hurts.
dont speak.
i knw wot ure thinkin.
i dont need your reasons.
dont tell me cus it hurts.

as we die,both you and i.
wit my head in my hands.
i sit and cry.

and to you,so long.and thnks fer all the fish.

2002-07-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

make me smile
x for everytime ive cried x

hold my heart,
in the palm of your hand.
can you see it achin?
cant you hear it breakin?

take these tears,
wash your skin.
ive been havin trouble breathin,
ever since you walked in.

2002-07-17T04:30:00.000-07:00

i act like shit dont faze me
inside it drives me crazy

had a bad day today.if there wus a poll fer worst days or sumthn,im preetie sure mines climbin the charts.a huge thnk you to samm who managed to distract me the entire afternoon.-hugs- everythng in my minds sorta blurry,cant remember nuts cept fer the thngs i wuld really rather ferget.umm.the only thng i remember thts not suicide-inducein is this pretty little girlie who kept smilin at me outside forum.she looked dammit sweet wit her white hood thngamajic.even samm said so! [fer those who are lost,samm hates kids.~~twisted,i knw~~] hmm.besides her preetiepreetie smile,theres nutthn much to talk about.

realised tht ive got nutthn much to say to many peeps.

gee.

sometimes i think theres nothng to live fer.
i almost break dwn and cry.
sometimes i think im crazy.
im crazy,oh so crazy.
why am i here,am i just wastin my time?

but thn i see my baby.
suddenly im not crazy.
it all makes sense when i look into her eyes.

2002-07-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

x angel of mine x

woke up wit a queasy tummie.have been pukin my face green ever since. :l least i dont have to deal wit schule today.

i tried to but i cant hide it.cant hide the hurt,cant hide the anger.
~~kudos to you,you fucked me up once again.~~

i knw i felt like this before,
but now im feelin it even more.
becus it came frm you.
thn i open up and see,
the person fallin here is me.
a different way to be.
oh my life is changin everyday.
in every possible way.
and oh my dreams.
its never quite as it seems.

never quite as it seems.
cause you're a dream to me.

2002-07-15T03:35:00.000-07:00

have you ever been in love
been in love so bad
you'd do anything to make them understand
have you ever had someone steal your heart away
you'd give anything up to make them feel the same
have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
but you dont knw wot to say
and you dont knw where to start
have you ever found the one
you've dreamed of all your life
you'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
only to find tht one wont give their heart to you
have you ever closed your eyes and
dreamed tht they were there
and all you can do is wait for tht day when they will care

have you ever loved somebody so much
it makes you cry
have you ever needed something so bad
you cant sleep at night
have you ever tried to find the words
but they dont come out right
have you ever,have you ever

this song is so sad its almost cruel. :l

((changchang)) umm.~~heres the note you made me promise to write you~~ okayokayy.umm.the moon still needs the sun to umm.glow! think it reflects light off the sun or some shit like tht.anyhows,you take care munchkins. -hugs-